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Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationship people make. Has this become a positive or negative development? v.20

Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationship people make. Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 20
Technological advancement in the last two decades has made it possible for people to form and maintain long-distance relationships. However, this trend has negatively impacted the way people interact with others in their immediate environment. On the one hand, the new advances in technology have afforded people in many countries the opportunities to use their phones and electronic devices to communicate with others who are far apart rather than travel over long distances in order to meet up with them. For instance, instant messages, voice and video calls to friends and colleagues are now possible using Skype, Whatsapp and other social networks. Thus, people can regularly share ideas with like minds and maintain relationships without distance barrier. This was challenging few years ago and it would not have been possible without the improved telecommunication that exist today. Nevertheless, this trend is a negative development because people now prefer to communicate using their electronic devices instead of having face-to-face interactions. Thus, friendship between people living in the same neighborhood is on the decline. For example, many teenagers and young adults today, are preoccupied with their phones and prefer to communicate with strangers on social media rather than discuss with their parents and individuals around them. As a result, many people do not have essential communication skills. In conclusion, technology has enable people to interact with others despite having distance barrier. Nonetheless, many people are finding it difficult to communicate with those who are closer to them. Measures geared towarding involving face-to-face interactions should be encouraged.
Technological advancement in the last two decades has made it possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to form and maintain long-distance relationships.
However
, this trend has
negatively
impacted the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interact with others in their immediate environment.

On the one hand, the new advances in technology have afforded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries the opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their phones and electronic devices to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with others who are far apart
rather
than travel over long distances in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with them.
For instance
, instant messages, voice and video calls to friends and colleagues are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
possible using Skype,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
social networks.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
regularly
share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with like minds and maintain relationships without distance barrier. This was challenging few years ago and it would not have been possible without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
telecommunication that exist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

Nevertheless
, this trend is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
using their electronic devices
instead
of having face-to-face interactions.
Thus
, friendship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in the same neighborhood is on the decline.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and young adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
are preoccupied
with their phones and prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with strangers on social media
rather
than discuss with their parents and individuals around them.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have essential communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In conclusion
, technology has
Use past participle here: "enabled".
enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to interact with others despite having distance barrier. Nonetheless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are finding it difficult to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
with those who are closer to them. Measures geared
Possible spelling mistake found.
towarding
involving face-to-face interactions should
be encouraged
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Nowadays, the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationship people make. Has this become a positive or negative development? v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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