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Using the examples of the leafy sea dragon and the cuttlefish, describe two kinds of camouflage and the benefits they provide. v.1

Using the examples of the leafy sea dragon and the cuttlefish, describe two kinds of camouflage and the benefits they provide. v. 1
In recent years, more and more individuals expect volunteering from youths. When helping people considered as an affluent source of social knowledge and experience, youngsters can take on a number of challenges during this period. Below are some positive and negative signs of working for nothing. First of all, worth to mention that volunteering is not suitable for everyone, especially for adolescents and students from lower socioeconomic backgrounds. This means that, as soon as they begin to mere of motion and independently take part in (or organise) events or programs, attracting others, they will have less moment for study, family and other areas of activity. To illustrate, charitable works such as distributing flyers or participating in public events in the form of crowd scene is considered as a waste of precious time, which they could spend in studying or for climbing high in the career ladder and live better off. Additionally, a large proportion of unpaid interns relies on living for free with family and friends, while more than quarter are dependent on money from their folks. By this way, young people may suffer psychological without having a personal life as well as harm family budget due to lack of their (own) income. Thus, benefiting society, there is a chance of neglecting one's own. Meanwhile, it is important to recognise that one of the key functions of volunteering is that in can be a [⭐] win-win approach. This means that it will useful both young and community enormously if youth do a certain period of unpaid work. By spending time with society, ease the burden of those in need, young adults can not only cope with depression but also gain life satisfaction and well being. For instance, helping the elderly, the sick and disabled directly, they would able to accumulate some valuable first-hand experience and know more about various walks of life. Moreover, it can be an excellent impetus for a man out of occupation in determining the future profession and finding a life path. Because during this stage, by sharing skills and exchanging ideas with others, one can evaluate own abilities and preferences. As a result, both volunteer and the locals can benefit at the same time but perhaps in different ways. Consequently, work for free may have pros and cons as well. While some people unable work gratis due to their standard of living, others find it as a wonderful tool towards the self-fulfilment.
In recent years, more and more individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
volunteering from youths. When helping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
considered as an affluent source of social knowledge and experience, youngsters can take on a number of challenges during this period. Below are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
signs of working for nothing.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, worth to mention that volunteering is not suitable for everyone,
especially
for adolescents and students from lower socioeconomic backgrounds. This means that, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to mere of motion and
independently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in (or
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
or programs, attracting others, they will have less moment for study, family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas of activity. To illustrate, charitable works such as distributing flyers or participating in public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in the form of crowd scene
is considered
as a waste of precious time, which they could spend in studying or for climbing high in the career ladder and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
better off.
Additionally
, a large proportion of unpaid interns relies on living for free with family and friends, while more than quarter are dependent on money from their folks. By this way, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may suffer psychological without having a personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as well
as harm family budget due to lack of their (
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
) income.
Thus
, benefiting society, there is a chance of neglecting one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

Meanwhile, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
that one of the key functions of volunteering is that in can be a [⭐] win-win approach. This means that it will useful both young and community
enormously
if youth do a certain period of unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. By spending time with society,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the burden of those in need, young adults can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cope with depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
satisfaction and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.
For instance
, helping the elderly, the sick and disabled
directly
, they
Did you mean "would be able"?
would able
to accumulate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable
first
-hand experience and know more about various walks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Moreover
, it can be an excellent impetus for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
out of occupation in determining the future profession and finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
path.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
during this stage, by sharing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and exchanging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with others, one can evaluate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
abilities and preferences.
As a result
, both volunteer and the locals can benefit at the same time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
perhaps in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.

Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for free may have pros and cons
as well
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
unable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
gratis due to their standard of living, others find it as a wonderful tool towards the
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-fulfilment
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Using the examples of the leafy sea dragon and the cuttlefish, describe two kinds of camouflage and the benefits they provide. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
406 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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