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The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. v.5

The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children. v. 5
Nowadays, Children are becoming victims of many vulnerable incidents. Hence, some people believe cell phones could be useful for kids to prevent them from such criminal activities. On the flips side, others assume youngsters have been victims of strangers who instigate them to involve in unethical doings. In my opinion, I strongly agree, Mobile phones would help them in most of the potential dangerous situations, which will be explained in the following paragraphs with suitable example. In many schools coaching and extra curricular activities are being taught after the regular hours, in such instances children could intimate their parents through cell phones if there is any delay. This would reduce the anxious moments of some parents. Additionally, various kidnap incidents are easily traced using children' s mobile phone locations. Hence, it has been assumed that cell phones are becoming necessity for children to better communication as well as to save them from criminal incidents. However, Children are becoming victims of many strangers through various social media websites. Also, they easily get cheated by bad relations. For example, some report suggests that over the years 33% of children are creating new connections with unknown persons while chatting in their cell phones. Moreover, some terrorist gangs instigate youngsters through their mobiles to involve in criminal activities. Finally, hackers are easily target youngsters using false promotions and loot their money which is now becoming a common trend. Therefore, as the above facets suggest that some children are becoming preys of many anti-social elements through their wrong usage of electronic c gadgets. TO conclude, even though children are prone to various criminal incidents by their wrong usage of phones, but considering the safety is paramount cell phones are necessity for kids to ensure their parents to trace them and to save them from any precarious situations.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are becoming victims of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vulnerable incidents.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
could be useful for kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities. On the flips side, others assume youngsters have been victims of strangers who instigate them to involve in unethical doings. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, Mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in most of the potential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations, which will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following paragraphs with suitable example.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools coaching and
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
activities are
being taught
after the regular hours, in such instances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could intimate their parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
if there is any delay. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the anxious moments of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents.
Additionally
, various kidnap incidents are
easily
traced using
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
locations.
Hence
, it has
been assumed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are becoming necessity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to better communication
as well
as to save them from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
incidents.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are becoming victims of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
strangers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
various social media websites.
Also
, they
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
cheated by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
relations.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
report suggests that over the years 33% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are creating new connections with unknown persons while chatting in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
terrorist gangs instigate youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
their mobiles to involve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities.
Finally
, hackers are
easily
Consider using a past participle here: "targeted".
target
youngsters using false promotions and loot their money which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
becoming a common trend.
Therefore
, as the above facets suggest that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are becoming preys of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
anti-social elements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
usage of electronic c gadgets.

TO conclude
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are prone to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
incidents by their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
considering the safety is paramount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are necessity for kids to ensure their parents to trace them and to save them from any precarious situations.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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