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The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children. v. 2
An increasing number of children now carry mobile phones. These gadgets were once a luxury for teens and adults, but now they have become a toy for young children. Some people believe that mobile phones have become an absolute necessity for children because of the safety concerns existing in the modern world. I don’t quite agree with this view. While I admit that mobile phones benefit children in many ways, I don’t think that they are a must-have. Mobile phones are designed to help people stay connected on the go. The world is becoming a dangerous place, especially for children. The increase in crime rates and vehicular traffic has also increased concerns over the safety of children. Gone are the days when children could travel safely without putting themselves in danger. Since mobile phones allow parents to get in touch with their children whenever they want to, many parents give them to their children. The benefits of this arrangement are obvious. However, in spite of all the arguments in favor of giving mobile phones to children, I don’t think that they are an all-in-one solution for all the problems faced by parents and children. In fact, carrying expensive mobile phones actually threatens the safety of children. What’s more, many schools have payphone facility that children can use in case of an emergency. Some parents have too much faith in technology. They believe that if their children carry mobile phones they are safe from all the dangers. Unfortunately, such false notions invite danger. In my opinion, young children are not supposed to be allowed to travel without the supervision of adults, be they teachers or parents. To sum up, I don’t believe that mobile phones make children protected. I do see the benefits of giving children mobile phones, but I do not agree that they are an absolute necessity. If parents and teachers are really concerned about the safety of their children, what they need to do is to make children aware of the dangers lurking in the corner.
An increasing number of
children
now
carry mobile
phones
. These gadgets were once a luxury for teens and adults,
but
now
they have become a toy for young
children
.
Some
people
believe that mobile
phones
have become an absolute necessity for
children
because
of the
safety
concerns existing in the modern world. I don’t quite
agree
with this view. While I admit that mobile
phones
benefit
children
in
many
ways, I don’t
think
that they are a
must
-have.

Mobile
phones
are designed
to
help
people
stay connected on the go. The world is becoming a
dangerous
place,
especially
for
children
. The increase in crime rates and vehicular traffic has
also
increased concerns over the
safety
of
children
. Gone
are
the days when
children
could travel
safely
without putting themselves in
danger
. Since mobile
phones
allow
parents
to
get
in touch with their
children
whenever they want to,
many
parents
give them to their
children
. The benefits of this arrangement are obvious.

However
,
in spite of
all the arguments in favor of giving mobile
phones
to
children
, I don’t
think
that they are an all-in-one solution for all the problems faced by
parents
and
children
. In fact, carrying expensive mobile
phones
actually threatens the
safety
of
children
. What’s more,
many
schools have payphone facility that
children
can
use
in case of an emergency.
Some
parents
have too much faith in technology. They believe that if their
children
carry mobile
phones
they are safe from all the
dangers
. Unfortunately, such false notions invite
danger
. In my opinion, young
children
are not supposed to be
allowed
to travel without the supervision of adults, be they teachers or parents.

To sum up, I don’t believe that mobile
phones
make
children
protected. I do
see
the benefits of giving
children
mobile
phones
,
but
I do not
agree
that they are an absolute necessity. If
parents
and teachers are
really
concerned about the
safety
of their
children
, what they need to do is to
make
children
aware of the
dangers
lurking in the corner.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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