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The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. v.4

The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children. v. 4
In this modern era, a sedentary lifestyle is becoming popular in the comparison of doing exercises. However, this trend has numerous problems like obesity and problems with the backbone. This essay will discuss these problems, including some solutions like to promote the cycling and walking with visiting to the gyms, and doing exercise. The problems of the sedentary lifestyle are gaining weight and muscle problems. The rise of this trend affects the people in the terms of overweight, because most folks sit all day and this will increase the weight. For example, if a one person prefers to sit all day, then it will harden to reduce calories in that body, however to gain more weigh will easy for that. Likewise, this fashion brings lots of the problems related to the health. It creates the muscle problems with the backbone. For instance, sitting all day is not good for backbone, because the people feel back pain also. So, this trend is good, but to some extent. The possible solutions for these problems are to promote walking and cycling, also with encouraging people to do exercise and gym. Most of the people prefer to go from one place to another by their own vehicles rather then by walk and cycle. So, to overcome the problem, it is necessary to promote cycling and walking. For example, if a person starts to go at the near place by walking or cycling then that individual can burn the calories which is very essential to reduce the weight. Moreover, the problems are occurring due to the lack of a gym and exercises, so the people should promote the yoga, workout and to visit in the gyms. To conclude, in this world most of the people prefer to have a sedentary lifestyle rather than doing gyms. This brings problem related to the overweight and muscle problems. This essay discussed those problems and also provides possible solutions to promoting the cycling and walking along with doing workout and visiting the gym.
In this modern era, a sedentary lifestyle is becoming popular in the comparison of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
exercises.
However
, this trend has numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like obesity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with the backbone. This essay will discuss these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, including
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycling
and walking with visiting to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
exercise.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of the sedentary lifestyle are gaining weight and muscle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. The rise of this trend affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the terms of overweight,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most folks sit all day and this will increase the weight.
For example
, if a one person prefers to sit all day, then it will harden to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
calories in that body,
however
to gain more weigh will easy for that.
Likewise
, this fashion brings lots of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
related to the health. It creates the muscle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
with the backbone.
For instance
, sitting all day is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for backbone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel back pain
also
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this trend is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.

The possible solutions for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
walking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycling
,
also
with encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do exercise and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to go from one place to another by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicles
rather
Did you mean "than"? 'than' is used for comparisons, 'then' is an expression of time.
then
by walk and cycle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, it is necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycling
and walking.
For example
, if a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to go at the near place by walking or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycling
then that individual can burn the calories which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the weight.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are occurring due to the lack of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
and exercises,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
the yoga, workout and to visit in the gyms.

To conclude
, in this world most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to have a sedentary lifestyle
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
. This brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
related to the overweight and muscle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. This essay discussed those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and
also
provides possible solutions to promoting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cycling
and walking along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
workout and visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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