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Many people in these days get goods and service immediately. Why this happen? And whether it is positive and negative development? v.2

Many people in these days get goods and service immediately. Why this happen? And whether it is positive and negative development? v. 2
Due to technology revolution in various industries people at present get quick service when compared to a decade ago. However, still some government sectors are yet to implement the latest software, which have caused considerable delay over the years. In the following passage, I will explain the factors as well as pros of this change before declaring my stance. Nowadays, online shopping is becoming the talk of the town and attained great popularity all over the world, which helps people to buy products and get delivered instantly. Advanced tracking systems are used to pack and deliver the product in short span of time. For instance, I bought a blazer to attend an important function in few days. The parcel reached my home next days and this due to improved courier service. Furthermore, in some government sectors such as; revenue department and registration department people can quickly obtain their legal certificates instantly, because of the latest software. Thus, it is believed, the improved quality of service helps people to save cost and time to a great extent which is a positive sign. Moreover, the mobile revolution aids people to get the latest news quickly, which were not the case few decades ago, where people totally rely on news television channels and radio stations. For example, when Tusnami attacked Indonesia’s costal region in 2004, the India government acted quickly and saved hundreds of people. On the other side, at the moment, some rumours are posted in social media websites create havoc among the citizens. Hence, it is assumed, new technology has evolved for people to access the latest information instantly, which is always a good sign for the country. To conclude, even though apart from few negative incidents occurred due to false information from social media websites, but considering the improved quality of service in goods and services sector, it is recommended to be a positive development.
Due to technology revolution in various industries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at present
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
quick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
when compared to a decade ago.
However
,
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
sectors are
yet
to implement the latest software, which have caused considerable delay over the years. In the following passage, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the factors
as well
as pros of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
declaring my stance.

Nowadays, online shopping is becoming the talk of the town and attained great popularity all over the world, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
products and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
delivered
instantly
. Advanced tracking systems are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to pack and deliver the product in short span of time.
For instance
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a blazer to attend an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
function in few days. The parcel reached my home
next
days and this due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
courier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
.
Furthermore
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
sectors such as; revenue department and registration department
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
quickly
obtain their legal certificates
instantly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the latest software.
Thus
, it
is believed
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to save cost and time to a great extent which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
.

Moreover
, the mobile revolution aids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the latest news
quickly
, which were not the case few decades ago, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
totally
rely on news television channels and radio stations.
For example
, when
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tusnami
attacked Indonesia’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
costal
region in 2004, the India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
acted
quickly
and saved hundreds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. On the other side, at the moment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
rumours
are posted
in social media websites create havoc among the citizens.
Hence
, it
is assumed
, new technology has evolved for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to access the latest information
instantly
, which is always a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
for the country.

To conclude
,
even though
apart from few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
incidents occurred due to false information from social media websites,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
considering the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
sector, it
is recommended
to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people in these days get goods and service immediately. Why this happen? And whether it is positive and negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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