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The culture and traditions are changing from generations to generations, why is it happening? what can be done to change it v.1

The culture and traditions are changing from generations to generations, why is it happening? what can be done to change it v. 1
It is argued that many regional practices are getting revised with time. Urbanization is majorly responsible for this situation. This essay will examine both the reason in details and give a solution to this problem. Cosmopolitan style of living has impacted the way people believe in their traditions. Multicultural people stay in one area only, earlier all the different religion/ race people were staying the separately and each society had different beliefs of their customs. Whereas now, urbanization has brought people of different race in under one roof. As a result, ethnicities are impacted and changed accordingly to the surroundings. For example, immigrant of different countries celebrates Christmas as gloriously as it would be their own festival, they would be hesitant to celebrate their own festivals Government should increase cultural awareness. The officials should let people embrace their traditional diversity and give them freedom to celebrate their festivals. This would be motivating the different race people to keep their religious practices as it is. Furthermore, government should also utilize this mix of culture as tourism factor, this would help sustaining the community of that race and it would be accepted globally. For instance, Australia has made aborigines culture and music part of their tourism slogan. In conclusion, the new multiethnic way of living is the reason why majority regional beliefs are getting changed and government should take accountability and allow each religion diversity to embrace globally.
It
is argued
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regional practices are getting revised with time. Urbanization is
majorly
responsible for this situation. This essay will examine both the reason in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and give a solution to this problem.

Cosmopolitan style of living has impacted the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe in their traditions. Multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stay in one area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, earlier all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
religion/
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
race
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were staying the
separately
and each society had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
beliefs of their customs. Whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, urbanization has brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
race
in under one roof.
As a result
, ethnicities
are impacted
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
accordingly
to the surroundings.
For example
, immigrant of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
countries celebrates Christmas as
gloriously
as it would be their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
festival, they would be hesitant to celebrate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
festivals


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should increase cultural awareness. The officials should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
embrace their traditional diversity and give them freedom to celebrate their festivals. This would be motivating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
race
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their religious practices as it is.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
utilize this mix of culture as tourism factor, this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to sustain" or "sustain".
sustaining
the community of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
race
and it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
globally.
For instance
, Australia has made aborigines culture and music part of their tourism slogan.

In conclusion
, the new
Possible spelling mistake found.
multiethnic
way of living is the reason why majority regional beliefs are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take accountability and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
each religion diversity to embrace globally.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay The culture and traditions are changing from generations to generations, why is it happening? what can be done to change it v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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