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the culture and traditions are changing from generation to generation. Why does this happen? what can be done to change it? v.1

the culture and traditions are changing from generation to generation. Why does this happen? what can be done to change it? v. 1
In the contemporary era, culture and traditions have been a prevailing concern insignificant part of the world. A sea change has been witnessed a changing advancement in the past. In my opinion, we should carefully handle this change and make this advancement suitable for everyone. The following paragraph would elucidate possible reasons for the problem and propose a handful of remedial measure. To commence with the reasons. First and foremost, the tradition and art of our ancestor were mainly known by our grandparents. People are not showing any interest to learn about their priceless plane because of running behind towards their life. For example, It is very sad to digest a fact that, if any, old aged people die in a family, then the myth and culture of that particular family would also be buried along with them. In this contemporary lifestyle, people are re-writing the methods of fashion based on their convenience, that will never help to study about the habitual roots of our ancient people. Undoubtedly, every lock has a key, so some solution should be implemented. Enormous route exists to save a plane and tradition. Therefore, more awareness should be created among adults and children about the importance of olden cultures. For instance, It would be remarkable, if the schools can introduce cultural and traditional development as a separate subject so that parents and children both can learn and try to save it from the root. In addition, our people and authorities should work to safeguard their traditions, so that they can transfer them to their future generations. In conclusion, the culture and tradition is the major factor to study about our ancient human being, Due to the development standards of people and society, it is getting changed from one generation after another. But government and individuals, both should put their best foot forward together in order to curb the menace.
In the contemporary era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
have been a prevailing concern insignificant part of the world. A sea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has
been witnessed
a changing advancement in the past. In my opinion, we should
carefully
handle this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this advancement suitable for everyone. The following paragraph would elucidate possible reasons for the problem and propose a handful of remedial measure.

To commence with the reasons.
First
and foremost, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
and art of our ancestor were
mainly
known by our grandparents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are not showing any interest to learn about their priceless
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of running behind towards their life.
For example
, It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sad to digest a fact that, if any,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
in a family, then the myth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
of that particular family would
also
be buried
along with them. In this contemporary lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are re-writing the methods of fashion based on their convenience, that will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to study about the habitual roots of our ancient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Undoubtedly
, every lock has a key,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solution should
be implemented
. Enormous route exists to save a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
.
Therefore
, more awareness should
be created
among adults and children about the importance of olden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
For instance
, It would be remarkable, if the schools can introduce cultural and traditional development as a separate subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that parents and children both can learn and try to save it from the root.
In addition
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and authorities should work to safeguard their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can transfer them to their future generations.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
is the major factor to study about our ancient human being, Due to the development standards of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and society, it is getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
from one generation after another.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individuals, both should put their best foot forward together in order to curb the menace.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay the culture and traditions are changing from generation to generation. Why does this happen? what can be done to change it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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