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Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. v. 3
In the contemporary world, advancements in technology have tremendously changed human's lives up to a great extent. Some people consider that technology in modern communication brings detrimental impacts to social bonds with each other. While I agree with this statement up to a certain extent, on the other hand, I believe that it can bring some of perks to improve the situation as explained in below passage. To begin with, Firstly, digital connections made people socially inactive these days compared to yesteryears. For instance, most of the time children and adults are busy with smartphones or other channels, making virtual relationships than real ones. Half of these can be fake which could bring harm to the humans mentally and later physically. Secondly, poor physical interactions are making people less emotional and this is not a good sign for the community to maintain a peaceful environment. For example, children can be easily exploited and manipulate them to do dangerous actions such as public shootings or damaging to the properties. Thirdly, humans will suffer from health issues such as obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular diseases due to their sedentary lifestyle, their attention to do physical activities are much lesser since they are busy with chatting to others via digital media. On the contrary, virtual connections are not always harmful to the society, it helps to connect with people around the globe. In the past, it was difficult to maintain a relationship with less interaction, but technology advancements made it much simpler with social mediums such as Skype, Whatsapp and Facetime which brings people closer. In addition, modern communication connects people who are in need of help during natural disasters. In conclusion, I believe modern communication technologies are helping to make certain situations better even though there are certain drawbacks in to it. Therefore, its individuals responsibility to use it wisely only to get things better.
In the contemporary world, advancements in
technology
have
tremendously
changed
human's
lives
up to a great extent.
Some
people
consider that
technology
in modern communication
brings
detrimental impacts to social bonds with each
other
. While I
agree
with this statement up to a certain extent, on the
other
hand, I believe that it can
bring
some of perks
to
improve
the situation as
explained
in below passage.

To
begin
with,
Firstly
, digital connections made
people
socially
inactive these days compared to
yesteryears
.
For instance
, most of the time children and adults are busy with smartphones or
other
channels, making virtual relationships than real ones. Half of these can be fake which could
bring
harm to the humans mentally and later
physically
.
Secondly
, poor physical interactions are making
people
less emotional and this is not a
good
sign
for the community to maintain a peaceful environment.
For example
, children can be
easily
exploited and manipulate them to do
dangerous
actions such as public shootings or damaging to the properties.
Thirdly
, humans will suffer from health issues such as obesity, diabetes and cardiovascular diseases due to their sedentary lifestyle, their attention to do physical activities are much lesser since they are busy with chatting to others via digital media.

On the contrary
, virtual connections are not always harmful to the society, it
helps
to connect with
people
around the globe. In the past, it was difficult to maintain a relationship with less interaction,
but
technology
advancements made it much simpler with social mediums such as Skype,
Whatsapp
and
Facetime
which
brings
people
closer.
In addition
, modern communication connects
people
who are in need of
help
during natural disasters.

In
conclusion, I believe modern communication
technologies
are helping to
make
certain situations better
even though
there are certain drawbacks in to it.
Therefore
, its individuals responsibility to
use
it
wisely
only
to
get
things better.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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