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Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person? v.2

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person? v. 2
It is often believed by many that the wealthy and the other materialistic things that a person owns in his life are the best ways of measuring his success. However, I believe that the financial stability is not the key criteria to measure an individual’s achievement. A perfect blend of a supportive family, a promising career and a sound health is what makes a successful human. Every person has his own ways of feeling contented. Though, rich and affluent people are thought of to be the most successful persons; however, they may not have the same feeling about themselves. For example, a wealthy businessman, earning revenue of $2000 million, is perceived as a successful entrepreneur by many, whereas he still has not achieved his predetermined goals and thus, is not satisfied by his achievement. Moreover, different people set their own goals, no matter how big or small, according to their needs and desires; and meeting those targets with their sheer hard work and dedication is an accomplishment for them. Thus, a feeling of contentment is the true measure of victory. The success of any human being is attributed by a number of other factors, apart from wealth. Firstly, a loving and a supporting family always motivate an individual to focus on his goals and give him a feeling of being complete. Furthermore, having a dream job is another way of getting satisfaction in life. Finally, these factors compounded with a sound health form an ideal combination of attaining accomplishment, as people who are having a healthy work-life balance, are happier than the rich individuals, who surely have money to buy anything in the worlds, but lack peace of mind. In conclusion, success has a different meaning for different individuals. While some relate being rich to being successful; I think a sense of accomplishment through contentment is the real measure of achievement.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the wealthy and the other materialistic things that a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
in his life are the best ways of measuring his success.
However
, I believe that the financial stability is not the key criteria to measure an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
achievement. A perfect blend of a supportive family, a promising career and a sound health is what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
human.

Every person has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ways of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
contented. Though, rich and affluent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of to be the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
persons;
however
, they may not have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
about themselves.
For example
, a wealthy businessman, earning revenue of $2000 million,
is perceived
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
entrepreneur by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, whereas he
still
has not achieved his predetermined goals and
thus
, is not satisfied by his achievement.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
set their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
goals, no matter how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
, according to their needs and desires; and meeting those targets with their sheer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and dedication is an accomplishment for them.
Thus
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
of contentment is the true measure of victory.

The success of any human being
is attributed
by a number of other factors, apart from wealth.
Firstly
, a loving and a supporting family always motivate an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to focus on his goals and give him a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feeling
of being complete.
Furthermore
, having a dream job is another way of getting satisfaction in life.
Finally
, these factors compounded with a sound health form an ideal combination of attaining accomplishment, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are having a healthy work-life balance, are happier than the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, who
surely
have money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything in the worlds,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lack peace of mind.

In conclusion
, success has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
meaning for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relate being rich to being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
; I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a sense of accomplishment through contentment is the real measure of achievement.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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