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Cultures and traditions change from generation to generation. Why does this happen? What can be done to change it? v.1

Cultures and traditions change from generation to generation. Why does this happen? What can be done to change it? v. 1
With various learning methods existed in the educational system, opinion has been divided on whether collaborative learning improves the effectiveness for students more than individual learning or not. While there are some valid arguments for the virtues of studying as a group, I still believe that students studying individually will likely gain many further benefits. Advocates of collaborative learning usually claim that it has many huge advantages in the learning system. The first to mention is that studying as a group helps students possess various interpersonal skills such as presentation or critical thinking through the process of discussing with other peers. Secondly, students learning in a group not only are corrected the mistakes in their assignments, but also learn from the others’ inaccuracies, thereby better understanding the topic. Moreover, the class sizes are usually too large so that the teachers will probably devote less time and attention to each student; therefore, collaborative learning may become an efficient way for students to understand the lectures more comprehensively. Despite the preceding arguments, I support the view that individual learning has a more crucial role to play in the education program. Firstly, students may barely be distracted from the external environment as they could highly focus on the study sessions, while collaborative studying may lead to a chat with friends. Besides, self-study encourages students to brainstorm the problems instead of waiting for the answers from their peers. Finally, every student has different study strategies in learning; as a result, studying alone allows them to have the most suitable environment and methods of studying in order to get top marks for academic performance. In conclusion, learning as a group certainly has its advantageous aspects, but I am of the opinion that the benefits of individual learning outweigh the collaborative one in improving effectiveness in education.
With various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
methods existed in the educational system, opinion has
been divided
on whether collaborative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the effectiveness for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more than individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
or not. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valid arguments for the virtues of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, I
still
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
individually
will likely gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
further
benefits.

Advocates of collaborative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
usually
claim that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
huge advantages in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
system. The
first
to mention is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
possess various interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as presentation or critical thinking through the process of discussing with other peers.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are corrected
the mistakes in their assignments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
learn from the others’ inaccuracies, thereby better understanding the topic.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
sizes are
usually
too large
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the teachers will
probably
devote less time and attention to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
;
therefore
, collaborative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
may become an efficient way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to understand the lectures more
comprehensively
.

Despite the preceding arguments, I support the view that individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
has a more crucial role to play in the education program.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may
barely
be distracted
from the external environment as they could
highly
focus on the study sessions, while collaborative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
may lead to a chat with friends.
Besides
, self-study encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to brainstorm the problems
instead
of waiting for the answers from their peers.
Finally
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
study strategies in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
;
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
alone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to have the most suitable environment and methods of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
top marks for academic performance.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
certainly
has its advantageous aspects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am of the opinion that the benefits of individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
outweigh the collaborative one in improving effectiveness in education.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Cultures and traditions change from generation to generation. Why does this happen? What can be done to change it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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