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The cost of international travel is decreasing and tourism is increasing in many countries. what are the advantages and disadvantages of the trend of tourism for countries? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowle v.1

The cost of international travel is decreasing and tourism is increasing in many countries. what are the advantages and disadvantages of the trend of tourism for countries? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowle v. 1
It has been observed that people in numerous nations are sleeping less than they used to in the past. Addiction to mobile phones is a vital reason behind this issue. It has impacted human health, and society has also become aggressive than before. The introduction of portable devices and social networking sites have deteriorated the sleeping hours of a person. It has been observed that if a person is going to sleep, he tends to spend a couple of hours of his rest time on Facebook or Whatsapp in most developed or developing countries. According to a recent survey of BBC, youngsters spend more than 8 hours of their day in updating their status on social media or in checking others' social accounts. Consequently, they sacrifice their sleep hours. If this tendency will hold for a couple of decades in the younger generation their future will be affected harshly. As people are deducting their nap hours, it has detrimental effects on their mental health. Creativity among the masses has decreased to the lowest level in the past couple of years because they aren't taking adequate sleep which a human body requires to work efficiently. The paucity of sleep is also making them short-tempered, which is disastrous for society. People with fewer rest hours found themselves in an altercation over a minor issue. These changes are making the community intolerable. Its the liability of every individual to take proper rest to have a healthy body and for a productive society. To conclude, with the above-discussed points, it's evident that excessive use of electronic devices and social network channels are the main causes of the reduced sleep hours of a person. It has affected the mental health of an individual and has increased intolerance in society.
It has
been observed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in numerous nations are sleeping less than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to in the past. Addiction to mobile phones is a vital reason behind this issue. It has impacted human health, and society has
also
become
Use "(aggressive)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
aggressive
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

The introduction of portable devices and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites have deteriorated the sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of a person. It has
been observed
that if a person is going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
, he tends to spend a couple of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of his rest time on Facebook or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whatsapp
in most developed or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. According to a recent survey of BBC, youngsters spend more than 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of their day in updating their status on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media or in checking others'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
accounts.
Consequently
, they sacrifice their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. If this tendency
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will hold
for a couple of decades in the younger generation their future will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
harshly
.

As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are deducting their nap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, it has detrimental effects on their mental health. Creativity among the masses has decreased to the lowest level in the past couple of years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they aren't taking adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
which a human body requires
Did you mean "working"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to work
efficiently
. The paucity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
is
also
making them short-tempered, which is disastrous for society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
with fewer rest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
found themselves in an altercation over a minor issue. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are making the community intolerable.
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
Its
the liability of every individual to take proper rest to have a healthy body and for a productive society.

To conclude
, with the above-discussed points, it's evident that excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronic devices and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network channels are the main causes of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of a person. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the mental health of an individual and has increased intolerance in society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The cost of international travel is decreasing and tourism is increasing in many countries. what are the advantages and disadvantages of the trend of tourism for countries? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowle v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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