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In some countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

In some countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life. v. 1
Nowadays men and woman rival in the job field which is common around the world in this modern era. However, men do all kind of high valued jobs, whereas women do not get the opportunities because governments do not have any kind of options for women work. In my opinion, I strongly believe that, there ought to be some percent of jobs reserved for women because they always work hard and be honest with the job as well as their responsibility is always essential for the work. Firstly, women always work hard in the job field and they are honest for work. In other words, women always adjust themselves with the work and they always attracted to the work and not lose the attention. For example, the president of Bangladesh leading the country since 2008 and it is the result of hard work and the honesty. Besides, if a woman get the opportunity, in any kind of work field, she can work honestly and hard to be successful in the job. Secondly, women always responsible and pleasant to the job. In other words, women always put the hundred percent effort for doing well in the job which is mentally, as well as physically. As a result, this hardworking not only bring happiness but also success. For instance, my sister is a pilot of Emirates a380 which is the biggest plane on the earth and she wanted to be a pilot and it is the result of her hardworking. Furthermore, women can complete any hard work by their responsibility and pressure taking ability. In conclusion, men get the high percent of opportunities on high-level jobs. Although, I think that women should be treated minimum a few percentages of these jobs by reserving the government. Because, woman always works hard and honest to the job as well as they can take pressure of job and responsibilities completely.
Nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and woman rival in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
field which is common around the world in this modern era.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
do all kind of high valued
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
do not have any kind of options for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In my opinion, I
strongly
believe that, there ought to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
reserved for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and be honest with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as their responsibility is always essential for the work.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
field and
they are honest for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
always adjust themselves with the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they always attracted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and not lose the attention.
For example
, the president of Bangladesh leading the country since 2008 and it is the result of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and the honesty.
Besides
, if a woman
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity, in any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
field, she can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
honestly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to be successful in the job.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
always responsible and pleasant to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
always put the hundred percent effort for doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which is mentally, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as
physically
.
As a result
, this hardworking not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
success.
For instance
, my sister is a pilot of Emirates a380 which is the biggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
on the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
earth and
she wanted to be a pilot and it is the result of her hardworking.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can complete any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by their responsibility and pressure taking ability.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the high percent of opportunities on high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should
be treated
minimum a few percentages of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
by reserving the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, woman always works
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and honest to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as they can take pressure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and responsibilities completely.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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