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The cost of international travel are decreasing and tourism is growing. What are the advantages and disadvantages of increasing tourism activity in different countries? v.1

The cost of international travel are decreasing and tourism is growing. What are the advantages and disadvantages of increasing tourism activity in different countries? v. 1
We have been living in the most secured era since long time ago. Indeed, the incline percentage of law breaking situations are due to a very advance techniques are being used. I totally agree that the new inventions and the modern procedures enhance the social security. In this essay, we will throw some light on some of the technologies used to control the crime rates. To begin with, The wide use of fingerprint has a significant impact on decline of illegal act. By registering fingerprints in most of the critical services in the country, this will help police officers to identify the criminal in more efficient and easy way. For instance, if the telecommunication companies register your print and you threaten someone through the phone, it will be easy to recognize you and catch you. Therefore, identifying criminals through fingerprints is one of the advantages of this era. Furthermore, government regulations forcing using CCTV in all of the trade and retail shops have a great influence to decline the crime rates. While most of the end users install cameras, no one will be encouraged to commit a crime, because he will appear on all the media the next days. As an example, a research done by police department shows that crime percentage decline in the locations with CCTV systems, while it is only slightly dropped in the locations without cameras. Thus, CCTV helps recognizing the criminal face and their movement and can narrow the search till arresting the criminal. In conclusion, the modern ways of recognizing and indicating the law breakers are vary, as we mentioned some of it in our essay. That's why I totally agree with this argument that new technologies and procedure support us with the tools needed to live in a secure community.
We have been living in the most secured era since long time ago.
Indeed
, the incline percentage of law breaking situations are due to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advance
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "technique"?
techniques
are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the new inventions and the modern procedures enhance the social security. In this essay, we will throw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, The wide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of fingerprint has a significant impact on decline of illegal act. By registering fingerprints in most of the critical services in the country, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
police officers to identify the criminal in more efficient and easy way.
For instance
, if the telecommunication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
register your print and you threaten someone through the phone, it will be easy to recognize you and catch you.
Therefore
, identifying criminals through fingerprints is one of the advantages of this era.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
regulations forcing using CCTV in
Consider using "all the".
all of the
trade and retail shops have a great influence to decline the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates. While most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
users install cameras, no one will
be encouraged
to commit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he will appear on all the media the
next
days. As an example, a research done by police department
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
percentage decline in the locations with CCTV systems, while it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
slightly
dropped in the locations without cameras.
Thus
, CCTV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
The verb 'helps' is used with an infinitive: "to recognize" or "recognize".
recognizing
the criminal face and their movement and can narrow the search till arresting the criminal.

In conclusion
, the modern ways of recognizing and indicating the law breakers are
Consider using a past participle here: "varied".
vary
, as we mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of it in our essay. That's why I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument that new technologies and procedure support us with the tools needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a secure community.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The cost of international travel are decreasing and tourism is growing. What are the advantages and disadvantages of increasing tourism activity in different countries? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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