Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

the continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. what are the causes of this continued rise? do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity? v.5

the continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. what are the causes of this continued rise? do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity? v. 5
These days, modern people are keen to think that it is more advantageous to choose a job with high wage, even if it does not interest you. Personally, I reckon than job satisfaction is much more important than salary. It is widely thought that job satisfaction gives people a sense of fulfilment, which is essential for employees, if they are willing to keep themselves energetic. Moreover, there is an opinion that even if someone is earning a high salary, but feels tensed and compromises with his/her conscience, this person will not enjoy his/her life. For example, a lot of scientists and wealthy people, such as Elon Musk and Bill Gates made their career choices based on their interests. According to their claim, they become rich, because of their passion. A common opinion is that interesting profession keeps people motivated. In other words, if occupation appeals to workers, they can achieve better results than those, who are willing to choose money instead of satisfaction. For instance, if workers are not interested in working process, they will not dedicate their time and energy for their occupation. In addition, individuals, who put gratification in the first place, can find a work-life balance, which is crucial for productive employees. That is to say, they can enjoy their life. To conclude, although many citizens are willing to get more money, others feel that in order to be productive at work, workers should feel a sense of fulfilment. In addition, it can help to find a work-life balance.
These days, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is more advantageous to choose a job with high wage, even if it does not interest you.
Personally
, I reckon than job satisfaction is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than salary.

It is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that job satisfaction gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
, which is essential for employees, if they are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves energetic.
Moreover
, there is an opinion that even if someone is earning a high salary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
feels tensed and compromises with his/her conscience, this person will not enjoy his/her life.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
scientists and wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, such as Elon Musk and Bill Gates made their career choices based on their interests. According to their claim, they become rich,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their passion.

A common opinion is that interesting profession
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
motivated.
In other words
, if occupation appeals to workers, they can achieve better results than those, who are willing to choose money
instead
of satisfaction.
For instance
, if workers are not interested in working process, they will not dedicate their time and energy for their occupation.
In addition
, individuals, who put gratification in the
first
place, can find a work-life balance, which is crucial for productive employees.
That is
to say, they can enjoy their life.

To conclude
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more money, others feel that in order to be productive at work, workers should feel a sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
.
In addition
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to find a work-life balance.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay the continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. what are the causes of this continued rise? do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts