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Some parents think computer games are better for children and they should be allowed to play more of them whereas some parents argue that they are harmful to children v.1

Some parents think computer games are better for children and they should be allowed to play more of them whereas some parents argue that they are harmful to children v. 1
Some people argue that government should spend bigger amounts on railway compared to the roads while others have different opinions. I disagree with the above statement, in my view both type of transport is needed for smooth life, therefore government bodies should allocate funds for both. To start with, Firstly, railway plays an important part in our life and it is significantly easier to travel by train for long distance. Trains are much more comfortable compared to any other type of transport such as car, bus or bike. Needless to say, Trains can carry more passengers compare to other type of vehicles due to more seats. Another essential point is, Trains do not get stuck in traffic jams. We all know traffic jam is one of most important issue current world is facing and we can get rid of such issue we are using trains for commute. To illustrate with an example, according to a survey from SurveyMonkey in India, 75% people agree that trains are more comfortable and easy for travel. On the flip side, Roads are equally important. The construction of rail lines is not possible due to various geographical issues so those kind of places travel is much smoother with roads. People generally use both rail and roads as per their need. They reach the railway station with the help of buses or cars and then travel with trains for their destination. If there are no roads or current road infrastructure are not good, people get trouble and hardly can reach their destination on time. For example, A recent article from The Harward university shows that, 95% people use buses and rails to commute. To conclude, Railways and roads both are useful and used according to need. Above points show that, A country needs both for development and easier for their citizens. So, The government should allocate money for both.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend bigger amounts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
while others have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions. I disagree with the above statement, in my view both type of transport
is needed
for smooth life,
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
bodies should allocate funds for both.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in our life and it is
significantly
easier to travel by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
for long distance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Trains
are much more comfortable compared to any other type of transport such as car, bus or bike. Needless to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Trains
can carry more passengers compare to other type of vehicles due to more seats. Another essential point is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Trains
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stuck in traffic jams. We all know traffic jam is one of most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
facing and
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of such issue we are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
for commute. To illustrate with an example, according to a survey from SurveyMonkey in India, 75%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
are more comfortable and easy for travel.

On the flip side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Roads
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. The construction of rail lines is not possible due to various geographical issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Did you mean "this kind" or "those kinds"?
those kind
of places travel is much smoother with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
both rail and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
as per their need. They reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
station with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of buses or cars and then travel with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
for their destination. If there are no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
infrastructure are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trouble and hardly can reach their destination on time.
For example
, A recent article from The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Harward
university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, 95%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
buses and rails to commute.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Railways
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
both are useful and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
according to need. Above points
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that, A country needs both for development and easier for their citizens.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate money for both.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some parents think computer games are better for children and they should be allowed to play more of them whereas some parents argue that they are harmful to children v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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