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The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity? v.2

The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity? v. 2
The rise of human population, an ongoing global concern, is caused by technological advancements since the Industrial Revolution. While this issue is widely considered as one of the most serious problems, in my opinion, the greatest threat to humanity in the 21st century is climate change. A rapid growth of human population usually coincides with a technological outbreak. Since the Industrial Revolution, human society has gradually shifted from craft production to machines. Thus, for the first time, mass production is available. This situation increases life expectancy of the majority of the people by providing stable food supplies and medical treatments. Consequently, world population has risen; now it has passed the point of 7. 5 billion. The consequences of an increasing population are detrimental. Overpopulation is the reason for overconsumption, which results in resource depletion and environmental degradation. Unemployment is also seen in densely populated areas. However, climate change, instead of overpopulation, is the biggest global challenge nowadays. Many developed nations have low birth rates due to high level of education; therefore, overpopulation does not happen on a global scale. By contrast, climate change has been affecting both of ecosystems and social systems around the world. From an environmental perspective, climate change creates more extreme weather conditions, thus hampering the agricultural industry. Furthermore, global warming leads to sea level rises, which forces the people in coastal regions to migrate. This situation causes many social issues, such as overpopulation or criminality. To conclude, the recent rise of world population happens due to technological advancements. Nevertheless, despite human overpopulation and its negative effects, what should be addressed first and foremost is climate change.
The rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
, an ongoing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
concern,
is caused
by technological advancements since the Industrial Revolution. While this issue is
widely
considered as one of the most serious problems, in my opinion, the greatest threat to humanity in the 21st century is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

A rapid growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
usually
coincides with a technological outbreak. Since the Industrial Revolution,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
society has
gradually
shifted from craft production to machines.
Thus
, for the
first
time, mass production is available. This situation increases life expectancy of the majority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by providing stable food supplies and medical treatments.
Consequently
, world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has risen;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it has passed the point of 7. 5 billion.

The consequences of an increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
are detrimental.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Overpopulation
is the reason for overconsumption, which results in resource depletion and environmental degradation. Unemployment is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
densely
populated areas.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
, is the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
challenge nowadays.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
developed nations have low birth rates due to high level of education;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
does not happen on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
scale. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
has been affecting both of ecosystems and social systems around the world. From an environmental perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
creates more extreme weather conditions,
thus
hampering the agricultural industry.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming leads to sea level rises, which forces the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in coastal regions to migrate. This situation causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social issues, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
or criminality.

To conclude
, the recent rise of world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
happens due to technological advancements.
Nevertheless
, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overpopulation
and its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, what should
be addressed
first
and foremost is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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