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In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
In recent decades, many researchers have studied the importance of investments in preventive measures to cope with diseases. Indeed, to my mind, there is convincing evidence that prevention is more logical than a cure. In this essay, I will examine how research in high health expenditures and the quality of life. To begin with, medical treatment at hospitals requires high costs for taxpayers. This is because medical equipment and medicines are expensive, which will increase the burden on hospitals as well as taxpayers. For example, a recent Cambridge study showed that 55% of illnesses could be cured by preventive measurements instead of visiting the emergency room. Therefore, it is obviously the case that patients should be accustomed to apply preventive treatments rather than utilizing costly medical care so as to decrease medical expenditures for public health. Secondly, quality of life can be attributed to the gist of conditions of patients directly. This is because any medical issue will decline in the pleasure of existence due to pain and allocating a great deal of time for hospital visiting. For instance, a study by Oxford found that 40% of patients believed that the recovery process makes their existence becoming ruined owing to the experiencing undesired situations and they thought that preclusive actions can help them to abate the chances of having serious diseases in the future. Thus, it is certainly the case that satisfaction of existence can be enhanced by promoting prophylactic policies to keep the community healthy. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the notion that preclusive measures are beneficial for the salvation of the public in terms of reductions in health care costs and soar in the quality of life of the public. In the future, we will apparently see that a great number of individuals will keep their wellbeing high in order to get rid of medical problems in the future.
In recent decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researchers have studied the importance of investments in preventive measures to cope with diseases.
Indeed
, to my mind, there is convincing evidence that prevention is more logical than a cure. In this essay, I will examine how research in high health expenditures and the quality of life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
treatment at hospitals requires high costs for taxpayers. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
equipment and medicines are expensive, which will increase the burden on hospitals
as well
as taxpayers.
For example
, a recent Cambridge study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 55% of illnesses could
be cured
by preventive measurements
instead
of visiting the emergency room.
Therefore
, it is
obviously
the case that patients should be
The verb 'be' is used with the gerund form: "accustomed to applying".
accustomed to apply
preventive treatments
rather
than utilizing costly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
care
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
expenditures for public health.

Secondly
, quality of life can
be attributed
to the gist of conditions of patients
directly
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
issue will decline in the pleasure of existence due to pain and allocating a great deal of time for hospital visiting.
For instance
, a study by Oxford found that 40% of patients believed that the recovery process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their existence becoming ruined owing to the experiencing undesired
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
situations and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
preclusive
actions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to abate the chances of having serious diseases in the future.
Thus
, it is
certainly
the case that satisfaction of existence can
be enhanced
by promoting prophylactic policies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the community healthy.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that
Possible spelling mistake found.
preclusive
measures are beneficial for the salvation of the public in terms of reductions in health care costs and soar in the quality of life of the public. In the future, we will
apparently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that a great number of individuals will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
high in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
problems in the future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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