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The consumption of the world’s resources (oil, and water etc. ) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are causes and solutions? v.4

The consumption of the world’s resources (oil, and water etc. ) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are causes and solutions? v. 4
It is true that the excessive exploitation of world’s resources such as oil, and water has been rising at an alarming rate in recent years. While there are various reasons behind this phenomenon, several effective measures should be adopted to solve the problem. There are two principal reasons why human beings are overexploiting natural resources. Firstly, as the world has been highly competitive, all nations, especially developed countries, have been making sacrifice invaluable resources to gain the supreme positions in terms of finance and avoid the financial dependence on other nations. China, for example, have consumed excessively natural resources such as wood, oil, and water so that they could become one of the most powerfully wealthy nations, regardless of catastrophic impacts they exert on nature including natural resource exhaustion and severely environmental depletion. Secondly, finacial shortage is also the main culprit for this trend because if the water treatment systems are installed or renewable resources are applied such as energy generating from solar panels or wind turbines, then the host countries would have to pay a great deal of money on these eco-friendly methods. For instance, in the underpeveloped nations such as Sierra Leone, where basic needs including shelter, food, and health are still the top priorities of national government, they would continue exploiting world’s resources to save money for other pressing problems. Approaches, therefore, should be taken to cope with this globally serious problems on the global scale. One possible measure is that government officials should insitute international policies which could promote mutual understading among nations throughout the world so that they will not compete in either economic or military aspect. Thanks to introducing these policies, national budget could divert to renewable energy. Another feasible approach is by increasing the humanitarian aid, which use for improving infrastructure, as well as shaking off poverty in underdeveloped world. By adopting this method, not only could it strengthen international relations, but it also opens up more opportunities for ricipient countries to access to the cutting-edge eco-friendly technology, which have contributed tremendously to environmental conservation. In conclusion, world natural resources has been overexploiting unprecedentedly, solutions, therefore, should be adopted as soon as possible to alleviate this serious problem.
It is true that the excessive exploitation of
world’s
resources such as oil, and water has been rising at an alarming rate in recent years. While there are various reasons behind this phenomenon, several effective measures should
be adopted
to solve the problem.

There are two principal reasons why human beings are
overexploiting
natural
resources.
Firstly
, as the
world
has been
highly
competitive, all
nations
,
especially
developed countries
, have been making sacrifice invaluable resources to gain the supreme positions in terms of finance and avoid the financial dependence on other
nations
. China,
for example
, have consumed
excessively
natural
resources such as wood, oil, and water
so
that they could become one of the most
powerfully
wealthy
nations
, regardless of catastrophic impacts they exert on nature including
natural
resource
exhaustion and
severely
environmental depletion.
Secondly
,
finacial
shortage is
also
the main culprit for this trend
because
if the water treatment systems
are installed
or renewable resources
are applied
such as energy generating from solar panels or wind turbines, then the host countries would
have to
pay a great deal of money on these eco-friendly methods.
For instance
, in the
underpeveloped
nations
such as Sierra Leone, where basic needs including shelter, food, and health are
still
the top priorities of national
government
, they would continue exploiting
world’s
resources to save money for other pressing problems.

Approaches,
therefore
, should
be taken
to cope with this globally serious problems on the global scale. One possible measure is that
government
officials should
insitute
international policies which could promote mutual
understading
among
nations
throughout the
world
so
that they will not compete in either economic or military aspect. Thanks to introducing these policies, national budget could divert to renewable energy. Another feasible approach is by increasing the humanitarian aid, which
use
for improving infrastructure,
as well
as shaking off poverty in underdeveloped
world
. By adopting this method, not
only
could it strengthen international relations,
but
it
also
opens up more opportunities for
ricipient
countries to access to the cutting-edge eco-friendly technology, which have contributed
tremendously
to environmental conservation.

In conclusion
,
world
natural
resources has been
overexploiting
unprecedentedly
, solutions,
therefore
, should
be adopted
as
soon
as possible to alleviate this serious problem.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The consumption of the world’s resources (oil, and water etc. ) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are causes and solutions? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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