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The claim that animals have “rights” has been the subject of much debate since the 1970s. Are zoos helping or hurting our animals? Should zoos be banned? Do you agree or disagree? v.1

The claim that animals have “rights” has been the subject of much debate since the 1970s. Are zoos helping or hurting our animals? Should zoos be banned? v. 1
Few individuals are of the opinion, that it is vital to use free time to cultivate the brain by indulging in reading and solving mind games. While others believe, that the head needs to relax during this time. I support the former view than the latter. The knowledge we gather around us shapes our mind. For example: Kindergarten children have an entire day of learning with games. But, even in this time nursery toddlers are required to read and play games with each other. It is often noted, that an idle mind in children or adults will make them watch television. Today, we face the danger of separating people from their screens. Conversely, it is better if human beings are gaining intellect from a book rather than an idiot box. In terms of word puzzles, they help to learn new vocabulary, while other jigsaw ones enable to create new pictures. It is documented, that people who play games like chess or word puzzles are less prone to diseases like Alzheimer's in old age. During leisure time, a person does not involve himself in rigorous activities. For example: In school, pupils are given a free period during the day to rest from the tedious studying. This break is important for students to relax their mind while playing outdoor games. The reason it is called leisure is, because it is a space to carry out no activity. In conclusion, I hold the view that we must involve ourselves in gathering experience, when we have the time.
Few individuals are of the opinion, that it is vital to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to cultivate the brain by indulging in reading and solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. While others believe, that the head needs to relax during this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I support the former view than the latter.

The knowledge we gather around us shapes our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
.
For example
: Kindergarten children have an entire day of learning with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, even in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
nursery toddlers
are required
to read and play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with each other. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
noted, that an idle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
in children or adults will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, we face the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of separating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from their screens.
Conversely
, it is better if human beings are gaining intellect from a book
rather
than an idiot box. In terms of word puzzles, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to learn new vocabulary, while other jigsaw ones enable to create new pictures. It
is documented
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like chess or word puzzles are less prone to diseases like Alzheimer's in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.

During leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, a person does not involve himself in rigorous activities.
For example
: In school, pupils are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a free period during the day to rest from the tedious studying. This break is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for students to relax their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
while playing outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The reason it
is called
leisure is,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a space to carry out no activity.

In conclusion
, I hold the view that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
involve ourselves in gathering experience, when we have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay The claim that animals have “rights” has been the subject of much debate since the 1970s. Are zoos helping or hurting our animals? Should zoos be banned? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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