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Some people believe that the high school should teach music and art as other basic science. Some people think that providing music and art education for high school students is not necessary. What is your opinion and why? v.1

Some people believe that the high school should teach music and art as other basic science. Some people think that providing music and art education for high school students is not necessary. What is your opinion and why? v. 1
Nowadays, many people prefer to translate documents or their private conversations by translation applications rather than using dictionaries. Even though these apps may create confusions due to possible errors in translations, the advantages outweigh the drawbacks since people can be informed about foreign sources to a greater extend. First and foremost, people may face incorrect translations which would create hardships in their conversations with foreign people. This is because a translation app is not as well-equipped as a human translator, therefore it may come out with wrong outputs. To illustrate, it is common for the Bing Translator to translate the personal pronouns incorrectly, so when an employee replies to an e-mail of his female Swiss business partner in Zurich, he may write incorrectly by defining her with male pronouns. However, these errors can be neglected and most of the time it does not impede the communication. Consequently, although translation apps are not perfect, the side effects can be neglectable. On the other hand, online translation sources come with particular advantages as people can reach out to greater level of sources around the world. Considering this, reading newspapers in foreign languages which people do not know, exploring foreign research papers for work would allow people to widen their knowledge. To illustrate, Google Translate can be tremendously helpful for a British student who does not know German and makes a comprehensive research about the automotive industry in Germany for his research project at school with also scanning German sources apart from English ones. As a result, people can benefit from these translation applications to explore research documents that they are interested in in a more comprehensive manner. To sum up, it is clear that an online translator is beneficial for the humanity overall because of its assistance to get people informed about foreign texts. Despite possible defects of the language translator app, it can be accepted as a fundamental device that abolishes language barriers around the world.
Nowadays,
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many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to translate documents or their private conversations by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
translation
applications
rather
than using dictionaries.
Even though
these apps may create confusions due to possible errors in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
translations
, the advantages outweigh the drawbacks since
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people
can
be informed
about
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foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
to a greater
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
.

First
and foremost,
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people
may face incorrect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
translations
which would create hardships in their conversations with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
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translation
app is not
as well
-equipped as a human
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translator
,
therefore
it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
outputs. To illustrate, it is common for the Bing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Translator
to translate the personal pronouns
incorrectly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when an employee replies to an e-mail of his female Swiss business partner in Zurich, he may write
incorrectly
by defining her with male pronouns.
However
, these errors can
be neglected
and most of the time it does not impede the communication.
Consequently
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
translation
apps are not perfect, the side effects can be
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neglectable
.

On the other hand
, online
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translation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with particular advantages as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can reach out to greater level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
around the world. Considering this, reading newspapers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
languages which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not know, exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
papers for work would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to widen their knowledge. To illustrate, Google Translate can be
tremendously
helpful for a British student who does not know German and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a comprehensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
about the automotive industry in Germany for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
project at school with
also
scanning German
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
apart from English ones.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can benefit from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
translation
applications to explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
documents that they
are interested
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
a more comprehensive manner.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that an online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
translator
is beneficial for the humanity
overall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its assistance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
informed about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
texts. Despite possible defects of the language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
translator
app, it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
as a fundamental device that abolishes language barriers around the world.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that the high school should teach music and art as other basic science. Some people think that providing music and art education for high school students is not necessary. What is your opinion and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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