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The claim that animals have rights has been subjected as a matter of debate since the 1970’s. Are zoos helping or hurting our animals? Should zoos be banned? v.1

The claim that animals have rights has been subjected as a matter of debate since the 1970’s. Are zoos helping or hurting our animals? Should zoos be banned? v. 1
In the salad days of millenniums, the society is polarised into two groups equally regarding to the notion that, some individuals say that mothers make a child perfect for upcoming time instead of men. Although, others said the man can make children better as like a women parenting. Different people have distinct mindset. The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches before making a final Sheets. To commence with the first notion that, people believe that the women are First teacher for children there are myriad things in its favour. First and foremost, mother have a close relationship with their blooming buds than fathers because of mothers there will be better strong bonding between child and father. Secondly, women mostly spend their time with offsprings while that time father usually at Workplace. As a furthermore, a best mother can transfer moral values to her daughter. Consequently, the girl becomes a blissful mother in the future. Shifting towards the second school of thought, some masses claim that men can successfully take care of child as women. The man earns bread and butter for Family So, he can transfer experience to his son. Hence, male parents Are serious in punishing of their young ones than mothers. So, juvenile also Control by them. Moreover, Male makes future of their children financially secure. Having discussed the arguments and Counter - arguments, I would like to state that both women and men Is perfect for their Wards future and they both given proper care, love, affection to blooming buds. So, it helps children to grow. Hammering the last nail, I personally feel that it is Major responsibility of each other male as well as female to make perfect their wards.
In the salad days of millenniums, the society is
Possible spelling mistake. 'polarised' is British English.
polarised
into two groups
equally
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
the notion that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals say that mothers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a child perfect for upcoming time
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. Although, others said the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
better as like a
'woman' is the singular form of 'women'. Consider using "woman".
women
parenting.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have distinct mindset. The following paragraphs would shed light on both the approaches
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making a final Sheets.

To commence with the
first
notion that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
First
teacher for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
there are myriad things in its
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
have a close relationship with their blooming buds than fathers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of mothers there will be better strong bonding between child and father.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
mostly
spend their time with
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
while that time father
usually
at Workplace. As a
furthermore
,
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
can transfer moral values to her daughter.
Consequently
, the girl becomes a blissful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mother
in the future.

Shifting towards the second school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masses claim that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
can
successfully
take care of child as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
earns bread and butter for Family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, he can transfer experience to his son.
Hence
, male parents Are serious in punishing of their young ones than mothers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, juvenile
also
Control by them.
Moreover
, Male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
future of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
financially
secure.

Having discussed the arguments and Counter
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
arguments, I would like to state that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
Is perfect for their Wards
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
they both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
proper care,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, affection to blooming buds.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow.

Hammering the last nail, I
personally
feel that it is Major responsibility of each other male
as well
as female to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
perfect their wards.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The claim that animals have rights has been subjected as a matter of debate since the 1970’s. Are zoos helping or hurting our animals? Should zoos be banned? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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