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choose a teacher you admire and explain why yo admire him or her. please include specific examples and details in your explanation. v.1

choose a teacher you admire and explain why yo admire him or her. please include specific examples and details in your explanation. v. 1
In order to be successful, one needs to pay attention to the studies only. Although, a few people believe in the extra classroom activity too. This essay will discuss both views in detail. Firstly, it is more beneficial for students to get good grades in schooling because it is required in many professions. For example, it is impossible to become a doctor or a teacher without having relevant degrees. Also, university graduates have access to more and better job opportunities and they tend to earn higher salaries compared to those with fewer qualifications. Secondly, the job market is becoming increasingly competitive and sometimes there are hundreds of applicants for one position in a company. Hence, young people who do not have a degree from the renowned college will not be as competent as others. However, not everyone has got the same amount of interest in studies and they prefer to pay equal attention to other activities too like sports, debate or painting. This will not only help them to learn something extra but also helps in growing as a good team player which is an important skill in any corporate work. This can break their monotonous routine of education and meet other people, which will help them to grow in their lives. For example, if they are participating in any debate competition, they will learn how to be a good listener and appreciate other people's point of view. In conclusion, there is no doubt that scholar degree is required to get a rewarding job and exceed in life. However, a little bit of extra curricular activity will boost student's growth.
In order to be successful, one needs to pay attention to the studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe in the extra classroom activity too. This essay will discuss both views in detail.

Firstly
, it is more beneficial for students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades in schooling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is required
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professions.
For example
, it is impossible to become a doctor or a teacher without having relevant degrees.
Also
, university graduates have access to more and better job
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
opportunities and
they tend to earn higher salaries compared to those with fewer qualifications.
Secondly
, the job market is becoming
increasingly
competitive and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
there are hundreds of applicants for one position in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Hence
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not have a degree from the renowned college will not be as competent as others.

However
, not everyone has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the same amount of interest in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
studies and
they prefer to pay equal attention to other activities too like sports, debate or painting. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to learn something extra
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in growing as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
team player which is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
in any corporate work. This can break their monotonous routine of education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to grow in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
For example
, if they are participating in any debate competition, they will learn how to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
listener and appreciate other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's point of view.

In conclusion
, there is no doubt that scholar degree
is required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a rewarding job and exceed in life.
However
, a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
of
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
activity will boost student's growth.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay choose a teacher you admire and explain why yo admire him or her. please include specific examples and details in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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