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Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v. 3
Health, education, and trade are vital aspects needed for the growth of any nation. Therefore, some people think rich nations should aid poorer nations in the improvement of these sectors. I completely agree with the aforementioned statement, and this essay will discuss my reasons with relevant examples to support this viewpoint. To begin with, proper medical and educational facilities are the basic needs of any human being. In other words, by having good health services, a nation can guarantee a disease-free, fit residents who can be more productive in their work. Similarly, an up-to-date education system promotes a crime-free, disciplined atmosphere in the country. For example, the US government has provided financial aid to Kenya to fight its spread of the disease named ‘Yellow fever’, which, resulted in the death of thousands of local people. Therefore, if big nations help the smaller ones, it would not just benefit the latter, but would also help bigger ones as there would be lesser chances of spread of contagious diseases and crimes in other countries. Besides, rich nations have an excess of funds that they can utilise by investment or funding trade sectors of underdeveloped nations. This means that such initiatives can help businesses in poor countries flourish, resulting in the generation and flow of money and creation of job opportunities. Consequently, a higher number of people will remain satisfied in their home countries, leading to lesser chances of illegal activities and immigration to the developed countries. In conclusion, it is evident that education, health, and trade are interdependent sectors and poor nations can not improve these sectors simultaneously. Thus, rich nations taking responsibility for helping underdeveloped nations are advantageous for the overall health gain, a decrease in the crime rate and the growth of world trade all across the globe.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
, education, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
are vital aspects needed for the growth of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should aid poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in the improvement of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the aforementioned statement, and this essay will discuss my reasons with relevant examples to support this viewpoint.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, proper medical and educational facilities are the basic needs of any human being.
In other words
, by having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
can guarantee a disease-free, fit residents who can be more productive in their work.
Similarly
, an up-to-date education system promotes a crime-free, disciplined atmosphere in the country.
For example
, the US
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has provided financial aid to Kenya to fight its spread of the disease named ‘Yellow fever’, which, resulted in the death of thousands of local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Therefore
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the smaller ones, it would not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
benefit the latter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
bigger ones as there would be lesser chances of spread of contagious diseases and crimes in other countries.

Besides
, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
have an excess of funds that they can
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
by investment or funding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
of underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. This means that such initiatives can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
businesses in poor countries flourish, resulting in the generation and flow of money and creation of job opportunities.
Consequently
, a higher number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will remain satisfied in their home countries, leading to lesser chances of illegal activities and immigration to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

In conclusion
, it is evident that education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
are interdependent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
simultaneously
.
Thus
, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
taking responsibility for helping underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are advantageous for the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
gain, a decrease in the crime rate and the growth of world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trade
all across the globe.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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