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The charts give information about the proportions of boys and girls of a school who achived high grades in respective courses. v.1

The charts give information about the proportions of boys and girls of a school who achived high grades in respective courses. v. 1
The world is changing fast, so are the preferences and habits of the people. While some people believe that changing has a positive effect which provides new experiences, instructive lessons, and awareness of their life, others, however, think that changing the way they live has a detrimental effect which they should avoid on their life. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the argument and provide my overall opinion. From an overall perspective, there are two main reasons why people think that changing is a kind of process that people should avoid. The main reason of this is that they want to protect themselves from danger which includes new ideas, habits, or people. They think that every new thing comes to their life has a potential to harm them. According to my experiences, one of my friends defined herself as a “conservative”. She denies everything new in her life and tries to live a basic life. When I asked the reason why she preferred to be a conservative person, she answered she wanted to protect herself from new things which would transform her life into miserable situations. Another reason is that changing may cause new difficulties in their life. Taking buying a car as an example, if someone buys another car for a change, driving new car can be more difficult than previous one. As a result, for those who do not want anything new, change can have a negative impact on their life. Despite these arguments, there are also some people who think that change may provide new advantages in their life. The main advantage is new experiences which can be learnt by changing something. For instance, we can learn how to survive by using our camp experiences in any kind of urgent situation such as earthquake or flood. In addition this, people can be more aware as they prefer to learn and love new things. Helping orphanage may provide you to be more knowledge and sensitive about charities. I strongly believe that we cannot learn everything we need on our own. So, sometimes someone needs to get into our life in order to learn what true one is. Even though some changes cause some bad experiences, we should think it as a lesson that we should never do it again. If we had not tended to do it, how would have we learnt true one? So, it is imperative to act immediately before we regret our mundane life. In conclusion, it is clear that it is a topic which raises strong passions on both sides of the argument. In some people’s opinion, doing same thing every day and avoiding change is a better idea due to damages of changes. However, others think that changing is an essential part of our life in terms of new experiences and awareness. I believe that life would be easier if we try to learn and love new things.
The world is
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changing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
are the preferences and habits of the
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people
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect which
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provides
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new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
, instructive lessons, and awareness of their
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life
, others,
however
,
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think
that
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changing
the way they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
has a detrimental effect which they should avoid on their
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life
. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the argument and
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provide
my
overall
opinion.

From an
overall
perspective, there are two main
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reasons
why
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people
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think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
is a kind of process that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should avoid. The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of this is that they want to protect themselves from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
which includes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, habits, or
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people
. They
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think
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
thing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
has a potential to harm them. According to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
, one of my friends defined herself as a “conservative”. She denies everything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
in her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and tries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. When I asked the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why she preferred to be a conservative person, she answered she wanted to protect herself from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things which would transform her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
into miserable situations. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
may cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
difficulties in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Taking buying a car as an example, if someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
another car for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
, driving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
car can be more difficult than previous one.
As a result
, for those who do not want anything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their life.

Despite these arguments, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
advantages in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The main advantage is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
which can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
by
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changing
something.
For instance
, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to survive by using our camp
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
in any kind of urgent situation such as earthquake or flood. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be more aware as they prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things. Helping orphanage may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
you to be more knowledge and sensitive about charities. I
strongly
believe that we cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
everything we need on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
someone needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
what true one is.
Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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changes
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
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experiences
, we should
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think
it as a lesson that we should never do it again. If we had not tended to do it, how would have we
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
true one?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is imperative to act immediately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we regret our mundane life.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that it is a topic which raises strong passions on both sides of the argument. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
opinion, doing same thing every day and avoiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
due to damages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
.
However
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changing
is an essential part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
and awareness. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
would be easier if we try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The charts give information about the proportions of boys and girls of a school who achived high grades in respective courses. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
488 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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