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Using points and examples from the talk, explain how our perception of whales and our action towards whale have changed over the centuries. v.1

Using points and examples from the talk, explain how our perception of whales and our action towards whale have changed over the centuries. v. 1
It is irrefutable that obesity is one of the major issues faced among all age groups across the globe these days. The number of individuals affected by it has dramatically increased since last two decades. This essay will discuss various reasons behind increasing such cases and will propose various measures to ameliorate the situation. Children and juveniles are really fond of junk food these days and there is a drastic transition in their eating habits and preferences. As these food items are unhealthy and contains various substances to make a person potentially fat and unfit, the children who often eat them become obese easily. A recent research concluded that children who eat packet items such as chips and chocolates are at a higher risk of facing obesity issues as it jeopardise the growth of minors. Not only children, this problem have enormously grown among the adults as well. One of the major reasons behind it is their unhealthy lifestyles. Many people are engrossed in their work life so much that they do not get any time to do any physical activity or exercise. Moreover, as they are sitting throughout the day in their working place, there is no breakdown of fat in their body which consequently leads to an unhealthy and obese body. To improve the current situation, authorities can impose some heavy excise duty on unhealthy food so that they are not readily available to the public easily. Secondly, multi-national companies should encourage their employees to take some exercise breaks between the work to encourage a healthy life among the workers. Thirdly, some awareness talks can be arranged at schools and at work places to spread the ill effects of obesity among humans so that people start taking this issue seriously. For instance, Tesla arranges an annual conference for all its employees, which focuses on health and well being of all its subordinates. In conclusion, junk food and less exercise are two major reasons for increasing obesity cases among children and grown up and it can be handled by some pragmatic approaches.
It is irrefutable that obesity is one of the major issues faced among all age groups across the globe these days. The number of individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by it has
dramatically
increased since last two decades. This essay will discuss various reasons behind increasing such cases and will propose various measures to ameliorate the situation.

Children and juveniles are
really
fond of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
these days and there is a drastic transition in their eating habits and preferences. As these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
and contains various substances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person
potentially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and unfit, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
eat them become obese
easily
. A recent research concluded that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who eat packet items such as chips and chocolates are at a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of facing obesity issues as it
Possible spelling mistake. 'jeopardise' is British English.
jeopardise
the growth of minors.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "this problem has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this problem have
enormously
grown among the adults
as well
. One of the major reasons behind it is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
lifestyles.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are engrossed
in their work life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much that they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any time to do any physical activity or exercise.
Moreover
, as they are sitting throughout the day in their working place, there is no breakdown of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
in their body which
consequently
leads to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
and obese body.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation, authorities can impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
heavy excise duty on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they are not
readily
available to the public
easily
.
Secondly
, multi-national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should encourage their employees to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercise breaks between the work to encourage a healthy life among the workers.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
awareness talks can
be arranged
at schools and at work places to spread the ill effects of obesity among humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
taking this issue
seriously
.
For instance
, Tesla arranges an annual conference for all its employees, which focuses on health and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of all its subordinates.

In conclusion
, junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and less exercise are two major reasons for increasing obesity cases among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and grown up and it can
be handled
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pragmatic approaches.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Using points and examples from the talk, explain how our perception of whales and our action towards whale have changed over the centuries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
343 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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