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Some people think it’s better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. However, others believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending the same school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people think it’s better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. However, others believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending the same school. v. 1
Although some people believe that studying in separate school for boys and girls is better, some people thinks matching boys and girls in the same school has got advantage result. I agree with the last view and I think studying together has got more benefit. First of all, studying in the same school has a many benefit for boys and girls. one of that is learning to live together in the society. In the other word, we can't separate male and female in the society. Therefore, school is a good place for learning some ability is useful in the real life. Student should learn how can they do in future life. For example, if one of them wants to decide to get married, and he/she doesn't have any idea about behaviour of partner in general, it is possible to choose wrong make mistake. This is why it is a good idea for knows them self in the school as a gender. However, some people think that it’s better if girls and boys has a special school for different gender. One of the reasons is for focusing on the lessons. This group think, studying in a same school for boys and girls, doesn't help to competition between them and finally improving. In this age they want to get pay attention, so try to spend a time for make nice appearance. Such as a girl who likes to do make up. I should mention that I am not agree with this idea. In conclusion, I think studying in the same school helps boys and girls to grow up as human. I mean without thinking about gender. It also helps them for knowing each other as a person how living in the society.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
is better,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
thinks
matching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
advantage result. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the last view and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
together has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
more benefit.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has a
Possible agreement error. The noun benefit seems to be countable; consider using: "many benefits".
many benefit
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
one
of
that is
learning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together in the society. In the other word, we can't separate male and female in the society.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
place for learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ability is useful in the real life. Student should learn how can they do in future life.
For example
, if one of them wants to decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married, and he/she doesn't have any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of partner
in general
, it is possible to choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistake. This is why it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for knows them self in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as a gender.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that it’s better if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
has a special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
gender. One of the reasons is for focusing on the lessons. This group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in a same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
, doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to competition between them and
finally
improving. In this age they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
pay attention,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
try to spend a time for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
nice appearance. Such as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girl
who likes to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up. I should mention that I am not
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
to grow up as human. I mean without thinking about gender. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them for knowing each other as a person how living in the society.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it’s better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. However, others believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending the same school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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