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the charts below show the percentage of food budget the average family spent on restaurant meals in different years. The graph shows the number of meals eaten in fast food restaurant and sitdown restaurant. v.2

the charts below show the percentage of food budget the average family spent on restaurant meals in different years. The graph shows the number of meals eaten in fast food restaurant and sitdown restaurant. v. 2
Nowadays, smoking in public is being restricted more and more. Some people seem to be endorsing this development, but others are of the opinion that this is a violation of smokers' rights. I personally believe that imposing high taxes on cigarettes and restrictions on public smoking is a good idea. Smoking has been proved to be detrimental to health. Smoking in public not only puts the health of the smoker at risk, but also causes harm to those around them through second-hand smoke. This means that social costs in terms of medical and insurance expenses are increased. Imposing a heavy tax is necessary to compensate for these costs and will lead to tighter restrictions on public smoking. In addition to this, if smoking is so costly many people will give up smoking altogether. This will ultimately lead to improved health for smokers and non-smokers alike. Some may think that taxing smokers heavily is not only unfair but also a violation of their freedom of choice. There is no doubt that freedom of choice should be granted to everybody. The question here is, however, whether it is fair to expose non-smokers to secondhand smoke just so smokers can enjoy the freedom to do so. In my opinion, the answer is no; just as physically hurting someone is not a right, but a crime, smokers should be held responsible for posing a potential threat to the public, if not imprisoned for it. In summary, even though levying a heavy tax on cigarettes and putting restrictions on smoking in public may constitute a violation of freedom of choice, it is, when weighed with the general public's right, a necessary measure that smokers should learn to live with.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
is
being restricted
more and more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
seem to be endorsing this development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others are of the opinion that this is a violation of smokers' rights. I
personally
believe that imposing high taxes on cigarettes and restrictions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Smoking has
been proved
to be detrimental to health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
puts the health of the smoker at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
causes harm to those around them through second-hand smoke. This means that social costs in terms of medical and insurance expenses
are increased
. Imposing a heavy tax is necessary to compensate for these costs and will lead to tighter restrictions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
In addition
to this, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
costly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will give up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
altogether. This will
ultimately
lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
health for smokers and non-smokers alike.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that taxing smokers
heavily
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
unfair
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a violation of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of choice. There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of choice should
be granted
to everybody. The question here is,
however
, whether it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
to expose non-smokers to secondhand smoke
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
smokers can enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. In my opinion, the answer is no;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
physically
hurting someone is not a right,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a crime, smokers should
be held
responsible for posing a potential threat to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
, if not imprisoned for it.

In summary,
even though
levying a heavy tax on cigarettes and putting restrictions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
may constitute a violation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of choice, it is, when weighed with the
Consider using "public".
general public
's right, a necessary measure that smokers should learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay the charts below show the percentage of food budget the average family spent on restaurant meals in different years. The graph shows the number of meals eaten in fast food restaurant and sitdown restaurant. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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