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In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. v.3

In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. v. 3
In recent times, the number of young people in many countries is more than the number of adults. Personally, I believe that this is a positive trend. There are several reasons why some people might think that having young people as the majority of a population would be disadvantageous. Firstly, some may feel that young people are simply inexperienced. This means that they could make a lot of mistakes, especially when they are made leaders in their societies. Secondly, because the majority of young adults are not tied to family responsibilities, their commitment to a country's development may be questioned. Finally, young people are often seen as too modern and having little regard for history and culture, unlike adults who are more traditional. If a nation's history is not valued, its identity might be lost forever. However, I am of the opinion that the benefits of having a younger population outweigh its drawbacks. One of the major advantages is because youths are full of energy and more active, they can work harder and for longer hours than adults. This kind of hard work contributes significantly to the growth of a nation's economy. In addition, young people generally bring new ideas. Sometimes what a country needs is fresh ideas. For example, Singapore has experienced a significant rise in their economy over the past decade. This was due to early retirement schemes and replacement of its old leaders with younger ones. Several countries like France and Ukraine have begun to follow this trend. In conclusion, in my view, having young people as the majority in a country has more advantages than disadvantages.
In recent times, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is more than the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
Personally
, I believe that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend.

There are several reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as the majority of a population would be disadvantageous.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
simply
inexperienced. This means that they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
mistakes,
especially
when they
are made
leaders in their societies.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are not tied to family responsibilities, their commitment to a country's development may
be questioned
.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as too modern and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
regard for history and culture, unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
who are more traditional. If a nation's history is not valued, its identity might
be lost
forever.

However
, I am of the opinion that the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a younger population outweigh its drawbacks. One of the major advantages is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
youths are full of energy and more active, they can work harder and for longer hours than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. This kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work contributes
significantly
to the growth of a nation's economy.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
bring new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
what a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
needs is fresh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
For example
, Singapore has experienced a significant rise in their economy over the past decade. This was due to early retirement schemes and replacement of its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
leaders with younger ones. Several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like France and Ukraine have begun to follow this trend.

In conclusion
, in my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as the majority in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has more advantages than disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay In today's competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents' absence. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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