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Some people think that several short holiday from school are better, while others think one long summer holiday for the year is better for children. Discuss and include your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that several short holiday from school are better, while others think one long summer holiday for the year is better for children. Discuss and include your own opinion. v. 1
In the present world, many parents want their children to excel in any other activity like dancing and painting, apart from the school curriculum. People think these activities can manage their kid's time efficiently, but what is the effective way for the children to spend their time after the school? Some believe that kids should be allowed to play, instead of attending any extra classes. I completely agree with this point and in this essay, I will support my opinions with examples. Firstly, after attending many classes in the school, children often get stressed out. For example, normal schools in India starts at 9 am in the morning and ends at 5 P. M in the evening, kid's are only left with 3 hours, before getting to sleep. Moreover, they usually have homeworks to be done for next day classes. In addition to this, leaving alone kids play in the evenings, increases their metabolism and health. What I mean by this is that, pupils are happy when they interact with their friends in the park. Finally, if parents encourage their children to play, they have a chance to learn and develop many skills on their own. Pupils who find themselves happy contribute more to daily activities. Turning on the other side of the argument, Many parents have busy schedules throughout the day, which makes their children join these extra classes. They also think that their minors misbehave, in the absence of their presence. Furthermore, it is true that youngsters play dangerously, when they know that there is no one to ask them. Additionally, many believe that attending or following any other activity apart from studies make their minors participate in external events. Also, many youngsters don't listen to their parents, this lack of discipline towards elders make people look for extra classes. To sum up, although it is evident that minors learn something from additional classes, it is very good to leave them to play with friends. Elders need to manage their time for pupils, as they can also choose these activities during weekends or holidays. Personally, I believe that leaving kids play, help them maintain good health and social awareness.
In the present world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to excel in any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
like dancing and painting, apart from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can manage their kid's time
efficiently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what is the effective way for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to spend their time after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that kids should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
,
instead
of attending any extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point and in this essay, I will support my opinions with examples.

Firstly
, after attending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
out.
For example
, normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
at 9
This is redundant. Consider using "am".
am in the morning
and ends at 5 P. M in the evening,
Consider using the plural form here: "kids".
kid's
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with 3 hours,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting to sleep.
Moreover
, they
usually
have
Possible spelling mistake found.
homeworks
to
be done
for
next
day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
In addition
to this, leaving alone kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
in the evenings, increases their metabolism and health. What I mean by this is that, pupils are happy when they interact with their friends in the park.
Finally
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
, they have a chance to learn and develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Pupils who find themselves happy contribute more to daily activities.

Turning on the other side of the argument,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have busy schedules throughout the day, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
these extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. They
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their minors misbehave, in the absence of their presence.
Furthermore
, it is true that youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
dangerously
, when they know that there is no one to ask them.
Additionally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that attending or following any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
apart from studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their minors participate in external
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters don't listen to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, this lack of discipline towards elders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
look for extra classes.

To sum up, although it is evident that minors learn something from additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with friends. Elders need to manage their time for pupils, as they can
also
choose these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during weekends or holidays.
Personally
, I believe that leaving kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and social awareness.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that several short holiday from school are better, while others think one long summer holiday for the year is better for children. Discuss and include your own opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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