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Many people spend a lot of time using communication technology What are the reasons for this What is the impact with their families and other people v.1

Many people spend a lot of time using communication technology What are the reasons for this What is the impact with their families and other people v. 1
Tourism nowadays has got a different meaning because it has become having many types. People have become concerned with going to places that are extremely hot or cold. They usually have difficult weather. Hence, in the few lines, both merits and demerits will be discussed. On one hand, visitors who go to places like the Arabian Sahara or African desert are definitely love wildlife. Therefore, they want to see wild animals. There are two major benefits of this kind of tourism. Firstly, tourists can live a traditional life without any type technology, and that helps them to relax. They also can do safari, but in freezing sites they can do sports like ski. The Guardian has published a survey that illustrates that about 23% of tourists all over the world prefer these sites. Thus, this strange kind of tourism is beneficial. On the other hand, There are one main disadvantage of this kind of tourism. It is a risk to get dead because of carnivores and unacceptable weather. For instance, 41 cases died last year in Amazon forests because of poisonous animals there. This number is considered a huge number. If visitors of these places want to discover wildlife, they can visit safe places that prepared for that goal. Therefore, disadvantages are variable and lead to death. In conclusion, while this type of discovering new places is exciting, it can cause terrible consequences. There should be an awareness of these consequences. I think there are other places that deserve a try in the world. They are better an safer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourism
nowadays has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
meaning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it has become having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have become concerned with going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
that are
extremely
hot or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
. They
usually
have difficult weather.
Hence
, in the few lines, both merits and demerits will
be discussed
.

On one hand, visitors who go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like the Arabian Sahara or African desert are definitely
Consider using a past participle here: "loved".
love
wildlife.
Therefore
, they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
wild animals. There are two major benefits of this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
.
Firstly
, tourists can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a traditional life without any type technology, and that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to relax. They
also
can do safari,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in freezing sites they can do sports like ski. The Guardian has published a survey that illustrates that about 23% of tourists all over the world prefer these sites.
Thus
, this strange kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is beneficial.

On the other hand
, There are one main disadvantage of this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
. It is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
dead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of carnivores and unacceptable weather.
For instance
, 41 cases
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
last year in Amazon forests
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poisonous animals there. This number
is considered
a huge number. If visitors of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
want to discover wildlife, they can visit safe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
that prepared for that goal.
Therefore
, disadvantages are variable and lead to death.

In conclusion
, while this type of discovering new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is exciting, it can cause terrible consequences. There should be an awareness of these consequences. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
that deserve a try in the world. They are better
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
safer.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Many people spend a lot of time using communication technology What are the reasons for this What is the impact with their families and other people v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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