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Scientists and technology experts are more valued by modern society than musicians and artists To what extent to do you agree? v.2

Scientists and technology experts are more valued by modern society than musicians and artists v. 2
These days, art as well as music have become integral part of people' s lives because of numerous reasons. While life is impossible sans science and technology experts because of modern era. Therefore, i will discuss my view points in up coming paragraphs. To commence with, there are various reasons behind importance of scientists and technology creators but first and foremost is that nowadays most of the people depend on modern way of leading lives. In another words, masses are busy in their hectic schedules so, they do not have much time to do their work with hands that' s why they use technology therefore, technology experts are extremely important for progressing because they create new and unique things for people. Furthermore, scientists make different types of devices and space travel robots which are immensely helpful for new discovery. However, scientists invent new medicines and machines, these are extremely beneficial to diagnose health problem within seconds thanks to these gadgets, people live long life. On the other hand, music is helpful to recreate inhabitant' s mind because, people suffer from various mental problem dint of long working hours hence, they need to relaxation. If they listen to music, then will forget their all stress, sometimes a few songs connect with someone' s emotions. Moreover, number of people have a good talent, related to art in order to that they will get and fame because of this felid. Apart from this, art has become important sector, which attracts tourists. As a result, nation' economy will imcrease dint of tourism. To conclude, although art and music have become integral part of today' s life but, scenitists and technology experts are more important for nation and citizen' s progress.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have become integral part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of numerous reasons. While life is impossible sans science and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
experts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of modern era.
Therefore
,
Did you mean "I"?
i
will discuss my view points in up coming paragraphs.

To commence with, there are various reasons behind importance of scientists and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
creators
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
first
and foremost is that nowadays most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
depend on modern way of leading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In
Did you mean "in other words"?
another words
, masses are busy in their hectic schedules
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they do not have much time to do their work with hands
Possible spelling mistake found.
that&
#039; s why they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
experts are
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for progressing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they create new and unique things for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of devices and space travel robots which are
immensely
helpful for new discovery.
However
, scientists invent new medicines and machines, these are
extremely
beneficial to diagnose health problem within seconds thanks to these gadgets,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
long life.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is helpful to recreate
Possible spelling mistake found.
inhabitant&
#039; s mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from various mental problem dint of long working hours
hence
, they need to relaxation. If they listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, then will forget their all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a few songs connect with
Possible spelling mistake found.
someone&
#039; s emotions.
Moreover
, number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
talent, related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
in order to that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
and fame
because of this
Possible spelling mistake found.
felid
. Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sector, which attracts tourists.
As a result
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
nation&
#039; economy will
Possible spelling mistake found.
imcrease
dint of tourism.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
have become integral part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
scenitists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
experts are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for nation and
Possible spelling mistake found.
citizen&
#039; s progress.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Scientists and technology experts are more valued by modern society than musicians and artists v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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