Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many countries want to host international sports events, while other countries think that hosting sports events has more disadvantages than benefits. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Many countries want to host international sports events, while other countries think that hosting sports events has more disadvantages than benefits. v. 2
International sports events are hosted from ancient times. One of them is the Olympic games which were born in ancient Greece about 2500 years ago. In the first time, the Olympic games were competitions between different city-states of Greece, but today it is competitions between almost countries of the world. There are more kinds of sport competitions in today' s world. And some people think that hosting international sports events has more disadvantages and can cause a lot of problems to country, while others believe that international sport events have a lot of profits and it is very beneficial generally. Who is right? People who believe that hosting international sports competitions has more disadvantages than benefits consider that it, first of they, is very costly, It means that it requires a lot of money for different expenses such as build new stadium, advertising and so on. And these money come from citizens taxes. However, not every person is interested in sports events and relative topics, but he or she cannot refuse payouts to it. What about benefits? There are some different obvious benefits. First of all, it unites countries and help them with relationship. Also it can help to develop various spheres of state such as tourism. The country where sports events are hosted might become loved by foreign fans and they may want to visit this country again not only for sport. And what about expenses it can be partly or even fully paid off on account of tickets sales. I believe that sports events can be both beneficial and disadvantageous. There are different factors which can influence it, for instance, one of them is the number of fans who will visit it. And I think that sports experts and a lot of other sport related people must weigh the pros and cons before spend money for it and optimise it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are hosted
from ancient times. One of them is the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
which
were born
in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
ancient Greece
about 2500 years ago. In the
first
time, the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
city-states of Greece,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
between almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
of the world. There are more kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
has more disadvantages and can cause a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of problems to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, while others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of profits and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial
generally
. Who is right?

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who believe that hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
competitions
has more disadvantages than benefits consider that it,
first
of they, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly, It means that it requires a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
expenses such as build new stadium, advertising and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. And
Did you mean "this money" or "these moneys", "these monies"?
these money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from citizens taxes.
However
, not every person
is interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and relative topics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he or she cannot refuse payouts to it.

What about benefits? There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
obvious benefits.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it unites
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with relationship.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop various spheres of state such as tourism. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are hosted
might become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
by foreign
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fans and
they may want to visit this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
again not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. And what about expenses it can be partly or even
fully
paid off on account of tickets sales.

I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can be both beneficial and disadvantageous. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
factors which can influence it,
for instance
, one of them is the number of fans who will visit it. And I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
experts and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
weigh the pros and cons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
spend money for it and
Possible spelling mistake. 'optimise' is British English.
optimise
it.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Many countries want to host international sports events, while other countries think that hosting sports events has more disadvantages than benefits. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts