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The charts below give information about the people use public library and the main reasons to visit in Britain in 1991 in 2000. v.1

The charts below give information about the people use public library and the main reasons to visit in Britain in 1991 in 2000. v. 1
NOWADAYS, FOREIGN AFFAIRS IS POSSIBLE BECAUSE OF THE ENHANCEMENT IN THE TEHNOLOGY. SHOWING SAME MESSAGE TO THE PUBLIC BY ABROAD'S MEDIAN SUCH AS NEWS, TV SERIES OR PROGRAMME, MEANWHILE SOME CLAIM THAT IT HAS A BAD EFFECT ON COUNTRY'S CULTURE. IN MY OPINION, EVERYTHING HAS PLUS AND MINUS SIDE. THIS ESSASY ILL DISCUSS THOSE BENEFITS AND DRAWBACKS WITH DETAIL AND RELEVANT EXAMPLES. TO START WITH CONS, FIRST OF ALL, AFTER GETTING INFLUENCE BY FOREIGN NEWS OR SHOWS, TODAY'S GENERATION IS FOLLOWING THE WASTERN CULTURE MORE, WHICH LEADS TO LOSSING RESPECT AND CULTURAL VALUES OF THEIR ONW COUNTRY. TO ELABORATE, INTERNATIONAL MEDIA IS AFFECTING COUNTRY'S FUTURE BY INFLUENCING THIR YOUTH THROUGH MEDIA. FOR AN EXAMPLE MY SISTER'S SON WHO JUST 1 YEAR OLS AND HE LOVES TO WATCH COMEDY SERIES OF AMERICA, AS HE IS IN HIS DEVELOPMENTAL, STARTED COPYING THE SMAE WHATEET HE SEES IN THE SERIES. BECAUSE OF THIS, HE STARTED DISRESPECTING HIS PARENTS AND OTHER ELDERS. THUS THIS IS AFFECTING HIS UPBRINGING. IN CONTRAST, DIE TO THE FOREIGN MEDIAN, NOW EVERYONE IS ABLE TO ACCESS TO ALL KIND OF INFORMATION. LIKE POLITICS IN THEOTHER COUNRIES, DIFFERENT CULTURES ETC. TO ILLUSTRATE, BU SITING INSIDE THE HOME ONE CAN KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD. FOR AN INSTANCE, CANADA'S ELECTION NEWS NOW I CAN WATCH ON TV NEWS CHANNEL BECAUSE THAT ARE CCESSIBE THROUDH THE MEDIA. MOREOVER, YOUNG PROFESSIONALS BROADEN THEIR KNOWLEDGE AND ALSO BUSINESS PEOPLE BENETITED AS THEY CAN EXPAND THEIR BUSINESS IN OTHER TEROTERIES BY MEANS OF MEDIA. FOR AN INSTANCE, IF I DO BUSINESS THEN I CAN USE OTHER METHODS FRO OVERSEAS TO PICK UP MY NEWLY STARTED BUSINESS. TO SUM UP, IT IS OFTEN TRUE THAT IT DO GIVE NEGATIVE EFFECTS BUT ID PEOPLE USE IT WISELY CAN BE TRANSFER IN TO MORE BENEFITS.
NOWADAYS, FOREIGN AFFAIRS IS POSSIBLE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF THE ENHANCEMENT IN THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
TEHNOLOGY
. SHOWING SAME MESSAGE TO THE PUBLIC BY ABROAD'S MEDIAN SUCH AS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEWS
, TV SERIES OR
Possible spelling mistake. 'PROGRAMME' is British English.
PROGRAMME
, MEANWHILE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
CLAIM THAT IT HAS A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BAD
EFFECT ON COUNTRY'S CULTURE. IN MY OPINION, EVERYTHING HAS PLUS AND MINUS SIDE. THIS
Possible spelling mistake found.
ESSASY
ILL DISCUSS THOSE BENEFITS AND DRAWBACKS WITH DETAIL AND RELEVANT EXAMPLES.

TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
START
WITH CONS,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
FIRST OF ALL
, AFTER GETTING INFLUENCE BY FOREIGN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEWS
OR
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SHOWS
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
TODAY
'S GENERATION IS FOLLOWING THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
WASTERN
CULTURE MORE, WHICH LEADS TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
LOSSING
RESPECT AND CULTURAL VALUES OF THEIR
Possible spelling mistake found.
ONW
COUNTRY. TO ELABORATE, INTERNATIONAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
IS AFFECTING COUNTRY'S FUTURE BY INFLUENCING
Possible spelling mistake found.
THIR
YOUTH THROUGH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
. FOR AN EXAMPLE MY SISTER'S SON WHO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
JUST
1 YEAR
Possible spelling mistake found.
OLS
AND HE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LOVES
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
WATCH
COMEDY SERIES OF AMERICA, AS HE IS IN HIS DEVELOPMENTAL,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STARTED
COPYING THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
SMAE
Possible spelling mistake found.
WHATEET
HE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SEES
IN THE SERIES.
BECAUSE OF THIS
, HE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STARTED
DISRESPECTING HIS PARENTS AND OTHER ELDERS.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
THUS
THIS IS AFFECTING HIS UPBRINGING.

IN CONTRAST
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
DIE
TO THE FOREIGN MEDIAN,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
NOW
EVERYONE IS ABLE TO ACCESS TO ALL KIND OF INFORMATION. LIKE POLITICS IN
Possible spelling mistake found.
THEOTHER
Possible spelling mistake found.
COUNRIES
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DIFFERENT
CULTURES ETC. TO ILLUSTRATE, BU SITING INSIDE THE HOME ONE CAN KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE WORLD. FOR AN INSTANCE, CANADA'S ELECTION
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEWS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
NOW
I CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
WATCH
ON TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
NEWS
CHANNEL
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
THAT ARE
Possible spelling mistake found.
CCESSIBE
Possible spelling mistake found.
THROUDH
THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
.
MOREOVER
, YOUNG PROFESSIONALS BROADEN THEIR KNOWLEDGE AND
ALSO
BUSINESS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
Possible spelling mistake found.
BENETITED
AS THEY CAN EXPAND THEIR BUSINESS IN OTHER
Possible spelling mistake found.
TEROTERIES
BY MEANS OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MEDIA
. FOR AN INSTANCE, IF I DO BUSINESS THEN I CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
OTHER METHODS
Did you mean "for" or "from"?
FRO
OVERSEAS TO PICK UP MY
NEWLY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STARTED
BUSINESS.

TO SUM UP, IT IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OFTEN
TRUE THAT IT DO GIVE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
NEGATIVE
EFFECTS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
ID
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
IT
WISELY
CAN BE TRANSFER IN TO MORE BENEFITS.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The charts below give information about the people use public library and the main reasons to visit in Britain in 1991 in 2000. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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