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The college years are the best time in a person’s life. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons to support your opinion. v.1

The college years are the best time in a person’s life. Give reasons to support your opinion. v. 1
Violence on TV series is not uncommon, In fact, it has been increasing at a steady rate. Although these programmes are popular, many are of the opinion that they don't advocate any positive effect on the public, instead they worsen the social interaction between them. This essay summarizes, why does the public think this way and how I disagree with it completely. These days several shows depict only brutality and savagery, This has met with criticism from the audience all around, They believe that watching these shows by anyone, especially young, impressionable kids results in they cultivating these unwanted qualities, if a child does adapt to violent behaviour it might lead to them developing criminal tendencies. For example, according to a recent survey in The U. S. A, a certain percentage of criminals had destructive roots due to their exposure to violent channels as kids. But what exactly causes depletion in social development? While it can be pinpointed to these shows, There is no conclusive research that the above is the only cause for it, Anti-social qualities are developed by plethora of reasons and basis. For example, People who are suffering from depression generally tend to avoid their friends and acquaintance, also children who grow in abusive families, tend to be violent as they grow up, Thus violent shows cannot be accounted for the general public's unnatural behaviour. In conclusion, Though Violent shows are on the uprise and watched by many, Decrease in the social development of the people is not entirely because of these shows. There are too many cases that effect an individual's physocology, In order to increase more public interactions, government should create awareness campaigns that not make people informed about symptoms of anti-social tendencies and furthermore help them reach out to proper medical channels to cure them if needed
Violence on TV series is not uncommon, In fact, it has been increasing at a steady rate. Although these
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
are popular,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are of the opinion that they don't advocate any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the public,
instead
they worsen the social interaction between them. This essay summarizes, why does the public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this way and how I disagree with it completely.

These days several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
depict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brutality and savagery, This has met with criticism from the audience all around, They believe that watching these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
by anyone,
especially
young, impressionable kids results in
Did you mean "they're cultivating", "they are cultivating", or "they were cultivating"?
they cultivating
these unwanted qualities, if a child does adapt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
it might lead to them developing criminal tendencies.
For example
, according to a recent survey in The U. S. A, a certain percentage of criminals had destructive roots due to their exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
channels as kids.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what exactly causes depletion in social development? While it can
be pinpointed
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
, There is no conclusive research that the above is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cause for it, Anti-social qualities
are developed
by plethora of reasons and basis.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who are suffering from depression
generally
tend to avoid their friends and acquaintance,
also
children who grow in abusive families, tend to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
as they grow up,
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
cannot
be accounted
for the
Consider using "public".
general public
's unnatural
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

In conclusion
, Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are on the uprise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, Decrease in the social development of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is not
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
. There are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases that effect an individual's
Possible spelling mistake found.
physocology
, In order to increase more public interactions,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should create awareness campaigns that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
informed about symptoms of anti-social tendencies and
furthermore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them reach out to proper medical channels to cure them if
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
needed
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The college years are the best time in a person’s life. Give reasons to support your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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