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The chart shows the percentage of car manufacturer s total car sales in different regions from 2006 to 2010 v.1

The chart shows the percentage of car manufacturer s total car sales in different regions from 2006 to 2010 v. 1
There is an ongoing debate over the methods for improving public health and lifestyle. While some people believe that an increase in the sports facilities is the most effective approach, in my perspective, a nutritive diet is more essential for improving the health of people. To begin with, those who favour an increase in the number of sports facilities believe that a rigorous workout improves physical and psychological health. This is because physical activities burn the excessive calories in the body and thus lead to weight loss and fitness. Also, they regulate the blood circulation, which energizes the brain and improves its functionality. For instance, an annual survey of the 'Employee Health Organisation' states that employees who are engaged in regular sports are more productive in comparison than others. However, owing to the lifestyle, people hardly get time to avail of sports facilities and hence this approach cannot be considered as the best one. On the other hand, many people hold the view that gaming facilities alone cannot ensure the fitness of the people, there are many other approaches that should be considered. Of all the ways, the most crucial is the availability of healthy and nutritive diet for the people. The reason for this is that the functioning of the human mind and body are regulated by the quality of food intake. Healthy food provides energy and zeal to perform physical and mental work. Therefore, the availability of green vegetables, fruits and food rich in minerals and vitamins is quintessential for the well-being of people. The midday meal scheme in which a free nutritive meal is provided by the government of India to the school students in order to improve their nutritional status serves the best example of this approach. In conclusion, although sports facilities enhance public health to some extent, in my opinion, other measures such as the availability of healthy food are much more effective.
There is an ongoing debate over the methods for improving public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and lifestyle. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that an increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities is the most effective approach, in my perspective, a nutritive diet is more essential for improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, those who
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
an increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities believe that a rigorous workout
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
physical and psychological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
physical activities burn the excessive calories in the body and
thus
lead to weight loss and fitness.
Also
, they regulate the blood circulation, which energizes the brain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
its functionality.
For instance
, an annual survey of the 'Employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
Possible spelling mistake. 'Organisation' is British English.
Organisation
' states that employees who
are engaged
in regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are more productive
in comparison
than others.
However
, owing to the lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to avail of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities and
hence
this approach cannot
be considered
as the best one.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the view that gaming facilities alone cannot ensure the fitness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
approaches that should
be considered
. Of all the ways, the most crucial is the availability of healthy and nutritive diet for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
The reason for this is
that the functioning of the human mind and body
are regulated
by the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
intake. Healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
provides energy and zeal to perform physical and mental work.
Therefore
, the availability of green vegetables, fruits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
rich in minerals and vitamins is quintessential for the well-being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The midday meal scheme in which a free nutritive meal
is provided
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of India to the school students in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their nutritional status serves the best example of this approach.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities enhance public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures such as the availability of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are much more effective.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart shows the percentage of car manufacturer s total car sales in different regions from 2006 to 2010 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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