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The table below shows the proportions of people using several mobile phone functions between 2006 and 2010. v.1

The table below shows the proportions of people using several mobile phone functions between 2006 and 2010. v. 1
There is little doubt that underdeveloped nations seek help from the world’s organizations; however, the argument over whether they should assist in monetary terms, or send help using other means has not been settled yet. This essay will argue that although financial aid is imperative for the development of a country, I believe that technical guidelines and supervision are important. To embark with, in many progressing nations the sole hurdle in initiating a new project is lack of funds. This is to say that despite having the best medical practitioners in the health sector, to eradicate viral diseases like polio, hepatitis, a lot of investment is required to make vaccines against them. Without any external financial support, it is not possible to complete an unfinished or start a new program. However, in these countries, corrupt politicians utilize this money for their personal agenda. On the other hand, the developing nations should receive practical help rather than financial because the development programs are more prone to extortion and influence-peddling by the unfair officials. For instance, in 2019, the United Nations have initiated a campaign to overcome hunger in India, in which they are sending their teams to the areas which are deprived of food with all basic necessities. Moreover, these teams get directions from their higher authorities, and they send a report on a weekly basis about the areas being covered so that the world ranking of India in hunger could be upgraded. To conclude, people may vary in their opinions, I believe that financial help is prone to corruption, hence practical help and dictations are important.
There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
doubt that underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from the world’s organizations;
however
, the argument over whether they should assist in monetary terms, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to use" or "use".
using
other means has not
been settled
yet
. This essay will argue that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid is imperative for the development of a country, I believe that technical guidelines and supervision are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

To embark with, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
progressing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
the sole hurdle in initiating a new project is lack of funds. This is to say that despite having the best medical practitioners in the health sector, to eradicate viral diseases like polio, hepatitis,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
investment
is required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
vaccines against them. Without any external
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support, it is not possible to complete an unfinished or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new program.
However
, in these countries, corrupt politicians utilize this money for their personal agenda.

On the other hand
, the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should receive practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the development programs are more prone to extortion and influence-peddling by the unfair officials.
For instance
, in 2019, the United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nations
have initiated a campaign to overcome hunger in India, in which they are sending their teams to the areas which
are deprived
of food with all
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
.
Moreover
, these teams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
directions from their higher authorities, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a report on a weekly basis about the areas
being covered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the world ranking of India in hunger could
be upgraded
.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinions, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
is prone to corruption,
hence
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
and dictations are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The table below shows the proportions of people using several mobile phone functions between 2006 and 2010. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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