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The chart shows the percentage of car manufacturer 039 s total car sales in different regions from 2006 to 2010 v.1

The chart shows the percentage of car manufacturer 039 s total car sales in different regions from 2006 to 2010 v. 1
Changes in people's lives have become an indispensable thing due to globalisation era. However, while some argue that it is good to spend time on the same activities without any variations, I agree with those who hold the opinion that change is essential in today's life. On the one hand, it could be thought that doing things similarly is a better way than changing it. Many people have fixed routine and are very happy with it, which deter them from accepting new challenges and taking a risk. For instance, most of the people are satisfied with their daily activities from morning to evening like doing gym and exercise, attending jobs, and spending their time with family, meaning they are quite a contempt with it and does not think to change. Furthermore, some people are afraid of changing jobs and taking a risk. As they consider change is quite difficult for them and they are not able to cope up with it. Therefore, they prefer to continue their current job rather than shifting towards a new job. Consequently, they often lack new experiences and things. On the other hand, I would argue that being able to accept new challenges every day and taking a risk is a positive element leading to success. In order to pace with the world change the requirement of time, so everyone has to change with it. Such changes usually allow people to experience a new culture and new things, which enable people to overcome any hurdles coming on the way in the near future. As a consequence, people who are always ready to take risks never afraid of any change and get success in their lives. Besides this, sometimes challenges turn out people to be successful as it involves motivation and passion to achieve a goal. For example, a person working in a company left a job and took a risk as he was more passionate about to be an actor. However, he was able to get success and become one of the famous actors. Therefore, I would argue the change is a positive thing. To sum up, although many people are complacent with their routine and want to retain it same, ready to take a risk and accept a new challenge can lead to success. Therefore, on balance, I agree that taking a risk can change one's life in a positive way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Changes
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have become an indispensable thing due to
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
era.
However
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to spend time on the same activities without any variations, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is essential in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's life.

On the one hand, it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that doing things
similarly
is a better way than changing it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
routine and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy with it, which deter them from accepting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenges
and taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
.
For instance
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are satisfied
with their daily activities from morning to evening like doing gym and exercise, attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, and spending their time with family, meaning they are quite a contempt with it and does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are afraid of changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
. As they consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is quite difficult for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they are not able to cope up with it.
Therefore
, they prefer to continue their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
rather
than shifting towards a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Consequently
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
experiences and things.

On the other hand
, I would argue that being able to accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenges
every day and taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
element leading to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. In order to pace with the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
the requirement of time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
with it. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to experience a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
culture and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things, which enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to overcome any hurdles coming on the way in the near future. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are always ready to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
never afraid of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Besides
this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenges
turn out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be successful as it involves motivation and passion to achieve a goal.
For example
, a person working in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and took a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
as he was more passionate about to be an actor.
However
, he was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and become one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
actors.
Therefore
, I would argue the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing.

To sum up, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are complacent with their routine and want to retain it same, ready to take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
and accept a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenge
can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Therefore
, on balance, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
one's life in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay The chart shows the percentage of car manufacturer 039 s total car sales in different regions from 2006 to 2010 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
397 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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