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The chart shows the different levels of post school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. v.1

The chart shows the different levels of post school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. v. 1
IT IS OFTEN BELIEVE BY FEW THAT WE CAN NOW WATCH MOVIES ON ELECTRONIC DEVICES LIKE MOBILE PHONES AND TABLETS DUT TO INOVATION IN THE TELECOMMUNICATION FIELD. WHEREAS SOME FOLK THINK THAT CINEMA IS THE BEST PLACE TO ENJOY FILMS AT FULLY. BUT FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, I BELIEVE THAT IT IS DEPEND IN THE PERSONAL CHOICE AND THE KING OF MOVIE, WHATER WE WANT TO WATCH IT AT HOME ON CELL PHONES OR TO GO IN CINEMA. THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSSE BOTH THE VIEWS IN REGARDS TO WHY THEY ARE THINK THAT OPPOSITE WAY TO EACH OTHER. TO START WITH, BECAUSE OF THE VARIOUS REASONS SOME PREFER WATCHING MOVIES ON THE PHONE, THE PRIME REASON IS THAT IT PROVIDE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE TIME AND TYPE OF MOVIES ONE WISH TO WATCH. TO ELABORATE, IF ONE WANTS TO SEE FILM, HE OR SHE CAN SEE THAT DURING THEIR FREE TIME AND WHATEVER WANTS TO WATCH. HOWEVER IT WILL CONSUME MORE INTERNET AND COST YOU MORE THE DATA PLAN. IN EXPLANATION, I ALWAYS CHOOSE TO ENJOY MOVIE ON MY PHONE AS I CAN SEE IT HOW EVER I WANT LIKE WHILE LAYING DOWN OR SITING OR WATHER DURING COOKING. THUS IT GIVES ME OWN PACE AND COMFORT. ALTHOUGH, WATCHING FILM IN THE MOVIE WILL GIVE YOU THE PLEASURE AND MEMORIE IF YOU WATCH IT WITH YOUR LOVED ONES. TO EXPLAIN IT, SOME TYPE OF MOVIE REQUIRES HIGH QUALITY SOUND SYSTEM TO EXPERIENCE THE MOVEMENT ESPECIALY WHEN YOUR WITH SPECIAL PERSON. SUCH SCENE WILL GIVE US MEMORABLE TIME BY CREATING PERFECT ENVIRONMENT. FOR EN EXAMPLE. ON OF MY FRIEND SAIT TO ME THAT SHE WENT FOR A ROMATIC MOVIE WITH HER HUSBAND, AND THE SOUND QUALITY OF THE THEATER HAD MAD HER TIME MORE SPECIAL. WHAT I BELIEVE IS I RATHER CHOOSE TO WATCH REGULAR MOVIE AT HOME AND CONSIDER CINEMA FOR THE MOVIES FROM THE SCIENCE FRICTION WHICH PROVIDE KIND OF REAL EXPERIENCE BY WATCHING IT THRUGH 3D GLASSES. TO SUM UP, EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN CHOISE AND PREFERANCES TO WATCH MOVIES BUT MOSTLY BASDE ON THE PERSONS REQUIREMNTS.
IT IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
OFTEN
BELIEVE BY FEW THAT WE CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
NOW
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WATCH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MOVIES
ON ELECTRONIC DEVICES LIKE MOBILE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PHONES
AND TABLETS
Possible spelling mistake found.
DUT
TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
INOVATION
IN THE TELECOMMUNICATION FIELD. WHEREAS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
FOLK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
THAT CINEMA IS THE BEST PLACE TO ENJOY FILMS AT
FULLY
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, I BELIEVE THAT IT IS
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "DEPEND on".
DEPEND
IN THE PERSONAL CHOICE AND THE KING OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MOVIE
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
WHATER
WE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WANT
TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WATCH
IT AT HOME ON CELL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PHONES
OR TO GO IN CINEMA. THIS ESSAY WILL
Possible spelling mistake found.
DISCUSSE
BOTH THE VIEWS
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
IN REGARDS TO
WHY THEY ARE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
THAT OPPOSITE WAY TO EACH OTHER.

TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
START
WITH,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF THE VARIOUS REASONS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
PREFER WATCHING
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MOVIES
ON THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PHONE
, THE PRIME REASON IS THAT IT PROVIDE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
AND TYPE OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MOVIES
ONE WISH TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WATCH
. TO ELABORATE, IF ONE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WANTS
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SEE
FILM, HE OR SHE CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SEE
THAT DURING THEIR FREE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
AND WHATEVER
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WANTS
TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WATCH
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
HOWEVER
IT WILL CONSUME MORE INTERNET AND COST YOU MORE THE DATA PLAN. IN EXPLANATION, I ALWAYS CHOOSE TO ENJOY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MOVIE
ON MY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PHONE
AS I CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SEE
IT
Did you mean "however"?
HOW EVER
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WANT
LIKE WHILE LAYING DOWN OR SITING OR
Possible spelling mistake found.
WATHER
DURING COOKING.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
THUS
IT GIVES ME
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
OWN
PACE AND COMFORT.

ALTHOUGH, WATCHING FILM IN THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MOVIE
WILL GIVE YOU THE PLEASURE AND
Possible spelling mistake found.
MEMORIE
IF YOU
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WATCH
IT WITH YOUR
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LOVED
ONES. TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
EXPLAIN
IT,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
TYPE OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MOVIE
REQUIRES HIGH QUALITY SOUND SYSTEM TO EXPERIENCE THE MOVEMENT
Possible spelling mistake found.
ESPECIALY
WHEN YOUR WITH SPECIAL PERSON. SUCH SCENE WILL GIVE US MEMORABLE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
BY CREATING PERFECT ENVIRONMENT. FOR EN EXAMPLE. ON OF MY
Possible spelling mistake found.
FRIEND SAIT
TO ME THAT SHE WENT FOR A
Possible spelling mistake found.
ROMATIC
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MOVIE
WITH HER HUSBAND, AND THE SOUND QUALITY OF THE THEATER HAD
Possible agreement error – use past participle here: "madded".
MAD
HER
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
MORE SPECIAL.

WHAT I BELIEVE IS I
RATHER
CHOOSE TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WATCH
REGULAR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MOVIE
AT HOME AND CONSIDER CINEMA FOR THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MOVIES
FROM THE SCIENCE FRICTION WHICH PROVIDE KIND OF REAL EXPERIENCE BY WATCHING IT
Possible spelling mistake found.
THRUGH
3D GLASSES.

TO SUM UP, EVERYONE HAS THEIR
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
OWN
Possible spelling mistake found.
CHOISE
AND
Possible spelling mistake found.
PREFERANCES
TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
WATCH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
MOVIES
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BUT
MOSTLY
Possible spelling mistake found.
BASDE
ON THE PERSONS
Possible spelling mistake found.
REQUIREMNTS
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart shows the different levels of post school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
349 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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