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Some people prefer to have cellphones all the time, others not. What do you prefer and why? v.1

Some people prefer to have cellphones all the time, others not. What do you prefer and why? v. 1
Many reformers are of the opinion that it is the responsibility of governments to provide public housing for members of the public that are too poor to afford their own homes. In my opinion, although there are some situations when this might be necessary, it is better to allow people the opportunity to pull themselves out of poverty. Those who support government assistance in housing programs point out the institutional shackles that keep people in poverty. In the United States, there is a long, painful history concerning African Americans that began with slavery, discrimination and still shows its impact in various more muted forms of racism. These people have few chances to escape poverty and own their own homes because they have difficulty getting a good education and then a job. If governments provide them with housing, that frees up their money to go to the education of their children and can break the long chain of poverty that has blighted their path in America. Although the above-mentioned argument has its merits, in my opinion people who help themselves are more likely to be able to maintain their success. Charity is a notoriously double edged sword because it fosters dependence. Someone who is in poverty who works hard and finds and escape and manages to own a home will develop reserves of willpower and determination that will serve them their entire life. Their self-respect will also help them in their work and encourage them to hold onto their house, regardless of obstacles. If the government simply gifts this person a house, they will be much less inclined to take care of it and will not develop any of the qualities that will spell out their success in life more generally. In conclusion, people who are more self-reliant are more likely to be successful and hold onto their homes. The role of government ought to be more subtle and include educational reforms aimed at opening up opportunities that individuals can themselves seize.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
reformers are of the opinion that it is the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to provide public housing for members of the public that are too poor to afford their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. In my opinion, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations when this might be necessary, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the opportunity to pull themselves out of poverty.

Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
assistance in housing programs point out the institutional shackles that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
. In the United States, there is a long, painful history concerning African Americans that began with slavery, discrimination and
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
its impact in various more muted forms of racism. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have few chances to escape
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have difficulty getting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education and then a job. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
provide them with housing, that frees up their money to go to the education of their children and can break the long chain of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
that has blighted their path in America.

Although the above-mentioned argument has its merits, in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
themselves are more likely to be able to maintain their success. Charity is a
notoriously
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
double edged
sword
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it fosters dependence. Someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and finds and escape and manages to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
a home will develop reserves of willpower and determination that will serve them their entire life. Their self-respect will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their work and encourage them to hold onto their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, regardless of obstacles. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
simply
gifts this person a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, they will be much less inclined to take care of it and will not develop any of the qualities that will spell out their success in life more
generally
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are more self-reliant are more likely to be successful and hold onto their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. The role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
ought to be more subtle and include educational reforms aimed at opening up opportunities that individuals can themselves seize.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to have cellphones all the time, others not. What do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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