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The chart shows the amount of energy generated from wind in four countries from 1985 to 2000 v.1

The chart shows the amount of energy generated from wind in four countries from 1985 to 2000 v. 1
Children are overfond of toys and nowadays parents spend more money for buying toys for them. This certainly is beneficial for enhancing certain skills in teenagers; however, it isolates them completely from the real world. This essay will highlight the merits and demerits of possessing loads of toys. On the one hand, toys can be fun and educational. Having a wide variety of toys makes a child happier because it is the only form of entertainment that he enjoys as a kid. In addition to this, toys help to improve the memory skills and creativity of juveniles. With the help of toys, children can learn quickly and they develop the ability of problem solving at a very young age. For example, toys like blocks help kids build their imagination and creativity and also make them understand the various shapes. Thus, owning a number of good toys definitely has a positive impact on children. On the other hand, spending more time with toys makes children create a fantasy world and they will not want to come out of it. They find it difficult to mingle with authentic people, which makes them socially weak and they had grown up as introverts. Furthermore, they fail to value things, there is always a replacement ready at hand. A recent research has shown that when kids have so many toys, they will naturally take less care of them. In conclusion, having a large number of toys can be effective as it helps in boosting the skills of children; however, it also inhibits them from socialising with people.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are overfond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and nowadays parents spend more money for buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for them. This
certainly
is beneficial for enhancing certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
;
however
, it isolates them completely from the real world. This essay will highlight the merits and demerits of possessing loads of toys.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can be fun and educational. Having a wide variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a child happier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
form of entertainment that he enjoys as a kid.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the memory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and creativity of juveniles. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
quickly and
they develop the ability of problem solving at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
like blocks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
kids build their imagination and creativity and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them understand the various shapes.
Thus
, owning a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
definitely has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on children.

On the other hand
, spending more time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
create a fantasy
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
they will not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of it. They find it difficult to mingle with authentic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them
socially
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
weak and
they had grown up as introverts.
Furthermore
, they fail to value things, there is always a replacement ready at hand. A recent research has shown that when kids have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, they will
naturally
take less care of them.

In conclusion
, having
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can be effective as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in boosting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
;
however
, it
also
inhibits them from
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialising' is British English.
socialising
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart shows the amount of energy generated from wind in four countries from 1985 to 2000 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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