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Some people are concerned that children spend too much time on computers - playing games, chatting and watching videos. But all this time is actually good preparation for children, who will have to spend many hours working on computers throughout their ed v.1

Some people are concerned that children spend too much time on computers - playing games, chatting and watching videos. But all this time is actually good preparation for children, who will have to spend many hours working on computers throughout their ed v. 1
In this contemporary era, computer certainly overruns today’s generation. Children spend most of the day on computers by various means such as playing multiplayer games, chatting on social media platforms and watching videos. I believe that it not only helps them to increase cognitive ability while studying but also make them familiar with upcoming occupational profiles. Computers are becoming ubiquitous entity, each and every educational institution are now well equipped with these facilities and allow their students to play logical as well as strategical games in groups for a day or two. In fact, they believe that computers can enhance one’s cognitive abilities either consciously or unconsciously. Many of the great multiplayer computer game players proved to be iconic strategy designer in real life. For example, one of the renowned multiplayer computer game player named Jazzy from Sweden had been adopted in the country’s national security team, just to plan and guide soldiers team when and where necessary. This example clarifies how computer games can increase individuals mental capacity. On the other side, social media platforms and video channels increase adolescents curiosity and stickiness to sit on one place for long hours. Some geeks are sitting on the chairs for almost 12 hours a day just to watch videos they subscribed to and or chat with their virtual friends. These situations prime them to their future working lives and make them future ready if they will have to work on computers for most hours of a day. For example, Americans teenagers are so much addicted to these portals that they even do not remember their lunchtimes and other chores. This forte has direct relation with future working lifestyle. Aforementioned survey clearly dictates that it actually shapes children to cope up with future working possible lifestyles. To conclude, given example and arguments clearly state that it is inevitable for children to spend lots of time on computer in future and these platforms give the boost to indoctrinate themselves to use such devices for longer hours. The days are numbered when there will be no field where computers would not involve. Thus, it is good practice that they pass their most time with computers by any means.
In this contemporary era, computer
certainly
overruns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s generation. Children spend most of the day on computers by various means such as playing multiplayer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, chatting on social media platforms and watching videos. I believe that it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to increase cognitive ability while studying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them familiar with upcoming occupational profiles.

Computers are becoming ubiquitous entity, each and every educational institution are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well equipped
with these facilities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their students to play logical
as well
as strategical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in groups for a day or two. In fact, they believe that computers can enhance one’s cognitive abilities either
consciously
or
unconsciously
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the great multiplayer computer game players proved to be iconic strategy designer in real life. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, one of the renowned multiplayer computer game player named Jazzy from Sweden had
been adopted
in the country’s national security team,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to plan and guide soldiers team when and where necessary. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
clarifies how computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can increase individuals mental capacity.

On the other side, social media platforms and video channels increase adolescents curiosity and stickiness to sit on one place for long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
geeks are sitting on the chairs for almost 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
videos they subscribed to and or chat with their virtual friends. These situations prime them to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
ready if they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work on computers for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of a day. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, Americans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much addicted to these portals that they even do not remember their lunchtimes and other chores. This forte has direct relation with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
working lifestyle. Aforementioned survey
clearly
dictates that it actually shapes children to cope up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
working possible lifestyles.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
and arguments
clearly
state that it is inevitable for children to spend lots of time on computer in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and these platforms give the boost to indoctrinate themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such devices for longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. The days
are numbered
when there will be no field where computers would not involve.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
practice that they pass their most time with computers by any means.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people are concerned that children spend too much time on computers - playing games, chatting and watching videos. But all this time is actually good preparation for children, who will have to spend many hours working on computers throughout their ed v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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