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The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spending chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK, v.1

The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spending chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK, v. 1
Countries across the world have been investing heavily in providing easier bicycle access. It seems, the rise is to develop a clean and pollution free environment. Whereas considering this mode a best way to deal with traffic problem is ineffective. The Bicycle has been a popular mode of travelling for ages. It is because, neither it needs electrical power, nor fossil fuel to operate. Therefore, it is understandable that it is a pollution free mean of travelling. So, the authorities have been making specific bicycle lanes for people. In addition, unlike other transportations, bicycle is easily affordable for the masses. Thus, the bicycling is being promoted for several advantages. Although the bicycle is conducive in controlling pollution, it is not a solution to control traffic congestion. This has a couple of reasons: a slowest mode of commuting and accessible up to a limited radius. So, it is easily surpassed by faster channels of private transportation: cars, motorbikes and trams, which cause over crowded roads. Though, encouraging people to use more and more public transportation can be a possible solution. Not only will this reduce the number of vehicles on roads, but also lessen air contamination. Consequently, education regarding environmental issues by transportation is more crucial to eliminate excessive traffic congestion. To conclude, while much attention is paid to easy bicycling access for the public, yet it can not control traffic congestion which can be dealt by making people aware of the consequences and benefits.
Countries across the world have been investing
heavily
in providing easier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
access. It seems, the rise is to develop a clean and pollution free environment.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
considering this mode
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best way to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
problem is ineffective.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bicycle
has been a popular mode of travelling for ages. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, neither it needs electrical power, nor fossil fuel to operate.
Therefore
, it is understandable that it is a pollution free mean of travelling.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the authorities have been making specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
lanes for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In addition
, unlike other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportations
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
is
easily
affordable for the masses.
Thus
, the bicycling is
being promoted
for several advantages.

Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
is conducive in controlling pollution, it is not a solution to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion. This has a couple of reasons:
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
slowest mode of commuting and accessible up to a limited radius.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
easily
surpassed by faster channels of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
: cars, motorbikes and trams, which cause over crowded roads. Though, encouraging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more and more public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
can be a possible solution. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of vehicles on roads,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
lessen air contamination.
Consequently
, education regarding environmental issues by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
is more crucial to eliminate excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion.

To conclude
, while much attention
is paid
to
The word "easy" is an adjective and doesn't fit in this context. Did you mean the adverb "easily"?
easy
bicycling access for the public,
yet
it can not control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
congestion which can
be dealt
by making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aware of the consequences and benefits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spending chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK, v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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