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There is an increase of noise in our daily lives now a days? Why this is a problem? What can be done? v.1

There is an increase of noise in our daily lives now a days? Why this is a problem? What can be done? v. 1
Fashion has changed drastically from how it used to be years before now, and people do not want to feel left out in this change, so they begin to follow and dress accordingly to the latest fashion trends. People are influenced by the desire to feel confident in themselves and also because of the influence of their favourite celebrities. In my opinion, it is a bad thing. One of the main reasons influencing the need to follow latest fashion trends is the desire to feel confident. Wearing latest clothes and hairdos could make some people confident in themselves, as they would be admired by others and also complimented. Compliments have a way of boosting people's morale. For example, a fashionable woman tends to receive a lot of compliments from both genders. Thus, making her feel like she is on top of the world. Another reason why people follow fashion trends is because they are influenced by their favourite celebrities. Many celebrities create fashion trends and their fan would follow these trends because it was created by their favourite. To illustrate, a fan of Beyonce, a female musician, could dress up like her because she is her favourite celebrity. Following fashion trends could bring adverse effects on people's lives. Firstly, following latest trends is not cheap. Therefore, people buy clothes, shoes, make hairdos that are above their budget and tend to borrow money from friends, family members and even the bank to pay off their debts. Finally, it is time-consuming. Most people complain about the time spent following trends, looking for the latest fashion online and in shopping malls. Some people can spend a whole day trying to find the latest clothes. For instance, parents complain about the time spent by teenagers and young adults in malls and online shopping sites, just to purchase some fashion items. In conclusion, in some countries, its citizens religiously follow the latest fashion trends because they are influenced by their favourite celebrities and also to feel confident. But, in my opinion, this has adverse effects in their lives.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fashion
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
drastically
from how it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out in this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
and dress
accordingly
to the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are influenced
by the desire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confident
in themselves and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the influence of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. In my opinion, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing.

One of the main reasons influencing the need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
is the desire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confident
. Wearing latest clothes and hairdos could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confident
in themselves, as they would
be admired
by others and
also
complimented. Compliments have a way of boosting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's morale.
For example
, a fashionable woman tends to receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
compliments from both genders.
Thus
, making her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
like she is on top of the world. Another reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are influenced
by their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
and their fan would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
was created
by their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
. To illustrate, a fan of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Beyonce
, a female musician, could dress up like her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she is her
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
celebrity.

Following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
could bring adverse effects on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Firstly
, following latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
clothes, shoes,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
hairdos that are above their budget and tend to borrow money from friends, family members and even the bank to pay off their debts.
Finally
, it is time-consuming. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
complain about the time spent following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
, looking for the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
online and in shopping malls.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend a whole day trying to find the latest clothes.
For instance
, parents complain about the time spent by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and young adults in malls and online shopping sites,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
items.

In conclusion
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, its citizens
religiously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are influenced
by their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
and
also
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
confident
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in my opinion, this has adverse effects in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay There is an increase of noise in our daily lives now a days? Why this is a problem? What can be done? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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