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The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK. v.1

The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK. v. 1
International students in Melbourne have started filling 2-bedroom apartments with six or more people because they don’t want a house for such a short stay. This trend is favourable for students since they don’t have to spend their savings on a long-term loan. While they pay their rent, though, they aren’t acquiring any assets. Renting (a) property has some advantages, such as avoiding paying for a mortgage and offering tenants more flexibility; however, it comes with some potential financial issues. On the one hand, taking a flat or house lease comes with multiple benefits. Firstly, tenants can avoid bank loans and only have to pay rent to a landlord either weekly or monthly whereas house owners tend to acquire a bank loan for long term payment. For example, In Colombia many people prefer to rent a place due to the fact that financial entities charge high interests on loans. Secondly, it is becoming increasingly the number of people in some countries who are moving abroad seeking better job opportunities, for this people rent a house is a better deal because can relocate to any places with ease. For example, an IT engineer who lives in an undeveloped country and wants to work overseas could easily live on rent while the job opportunity comes up. On the other hand, living on rent presents some drawbacks. To begin with, In many countries, renting a house or a flat could be extremely expensive, especially in downtown areas. Therefore, although there are places available in the zone, the prices are not affordable for all people. For instance, the rent price of a flat in big cities such as Melbourne and Toronto represents almost 50% of a middle class salary person. In the second place, a property is an asset, thus someone who buys an apartment is building their future, in contrast, people who are living on rent are spending money without get anything in return. To conclude, renting a property comes with some benefits, giving tenants an alternative to acquiring a house and a chance to relocate with ease. However, it also has some inconveniences related to their future finances.
International students in Melbourne have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
filling 2-bedroom apartments with six or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they don’t want a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
for such a short stay. This trend is
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
for students since they don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend their savings on a long-term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loan
. While they pay their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
, though, they aren’t acquiring any assets. Renting (a) property has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages, such as avoiding paying for a mortgage and offering tenants more flexibility;
however
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comes
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential financial issues.

On the one hand, taking a flat or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
lease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comes
with multiple benefits.
Firstly
, tenants can avoid bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
to a landlord either weekly or monthly whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
owners tend to acquire a bank
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loan
for long term payment.
For example
, In Colombia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
due to the fact that financial entities charge high interests on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
loans
.
Secondly
, it is becoming
increasingly
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are moving abroad seeking better job opportunities, for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is a better deal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
can relocate to any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.
For example
, an IT engineer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in an undeveloped country and wants to work overseas could
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
while the job opportunity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comes
up.

On the other hand
, living on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
presents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, renting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
or a flat could be
extremely
expensive,
especially
in downtown areas.
Therefore
, although there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
available in the zone, the prices are not affordable for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
price of a flat in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities such as Melbourne and Toronto represents almost 50% of a middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
salary person. In the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
, a property is an asset,
thus
someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buys
an apartment is building their future,
in contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are living on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
are spending money without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
anything in return.

To conclude
, renting a property
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comes
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, giving tenants an alternative to acquiring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
and a chance to relocate with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.
However
, it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inconveniences related to their future finances.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below shows the amount of time that 10 to 15-year-olds spend chatting on the Internet and playing on games consoles on an average school day in the UK. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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