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The chart of marriages and divorces rates in US between 1970 and 2000 and the marital status of adult American in the same period. v.1

The chart of marriages and divorces rates in US between 1970 and 2000 and the marital status of adult American in the same period. v. 1
The electronic devices, through which people can get information of the world, play a pivotal role by knowing the fact and figure of the outer world. It is a controversial whether radio makes people hilarious and at the same time, telecast pragmatic information or television does that one. From my point of view, I, holistically, agree that the idiot box is more enjoyable and provides real data. First and foremost, the TV set has visual and sound features and the TV screen can be changed as well. This is the intriguing features for which people prefer to watch TV. The other reason is that people can understand easily what is the purpose of the character, since people can hear and look the movement of that portrait character. For example, when any serious political thought reveals in the TV, people get the evidence. As a result, if any politicians deny the fact which has been told in the live telecast, other opponents could show the proof with record and video. Moreover, children and adult love watch cartoons, serials, et Cetra on the TV which satisfy the mind of people. Therefore, whatever the object is shown on TV, attracts of all ages. On the contrary, the radio has only one salient feature that is sound. This sound comes from one or more people who talk on the microphone. In addition, the radio is unable to show the character or host visually which sounds uninteresting. Besides that it, invariably, telecasts advertisement intermittently during any types of programs which are annoying. For instance, last night, I was listening the radio where a ghost story was told by a person, but in the throe of the show, one very noisy advertisement comes that spoil the whole interest in the ghost tale. It can also be added that it is impossible for people to hear any serious conversation, because the way radio broadcaster is very fast forward. Ergo, the radio is neither practical nor relish visually. In conclusion, most of the people prefer radio to magical box. However, I second that watching TV provides people a huge information with evidence which, is more powerful than the radio.
The electronic devices, through which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information of the world, play a pivotal role by knowing the fact and figure of the outer world. It is a controversial whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hilarious and at the same time, telecast pragmatic information or television does that one. From my point of view, I,
holistically
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the idiot box is more enjoyable and provides real data.

First
and foremost, the TV set has visual and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
features and the TV screen can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
as well
. This is the intriguing features for which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV. The other reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can understand
easily
what is the purpose of the character, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can hear and look the movement of that portrait character.
For example
, when any serious political
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
reveals
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the TV".
in the TV
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the evidence.
As a result
, if any politicians deny the fact which has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
telecast, other opponents could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the proof with record and video.
Moreover
, children and adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
cartoons, serials,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
on the TV which satisfy the mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, whatever the object
is shown
on TV, attracts of all ages.

On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one salient feature
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sound
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from one or more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who talk on the microphone.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
is unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the character or host
visually
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sounds
uninteresting.
Besides
that it,
invariably
, telecasts advertisement
intermittently
during any types of programs which are annoying.
For instance
, last night, I was listening the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
where a ghost story was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
by a person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the throe of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
noisy advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
that spoil the whole interest in the ghost tale. It can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
that it is impossible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to hear any serious conversation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
broadcaster is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
fast forward
. Ergo, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
is neither practical nor relish
visually
.

In conclusion
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
to magical box.
However
, I second that watching TV provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
'information' is a mass noun (i.e., uncountable). Therefore, the preceding 'a' is probably wrong.
a huge information
with evidence which, is more powerful than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
radio
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay The chart of marriages and divorces rates in US between 1970 and 2000 and the marital status of adult American in the same period. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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