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In some cities people are choosing cars instead of bicycles, while in other cities riding bikes are replacing cars. Why is this the case? Which development do you think is better? v.1

In some cities people are choosing cars instead of bicycles, while in other cities riding bikes are replacing cars. Why is this the case? Which development do you think is better? v. 1
Over the period of time, the crime ratio among youngsters has been significantly increased in various countries around the globe. It is the need of the hour to investigate the causes behind this and to find practical solutions to prevent this immediately. Firstly, due the high divorce rate, those children who are brought up by a single parent, usually lack of good manners. They don’t have a role model to follow in their childhood. They become an easy prey to the company of bad people, where they indulge in bad habits like smoking and crimes. Hence, they start committing crimes. Secondly, teenagers who watch programs or movies related to crimes may tend towards doing similar criminal activities just for fun. Thirdly, teenagers have a plenty of leisure time, but they don’t have many productive activities to keep themselves busy. The government, educational institutes and parents should play their role collectively in order to keep teenagers away from such malicious and criminal activities. Parents should introduce interesting sports with their children to keep them motivated in healthy activities. The educational institutes can play vital role in this regard keeping busy students in extracurricular activities. The government should conduct awareness seminars for the public about the dangers and adverse impacts of bad habits in life. It is the responsibility of the law enforcing agencies to punish and fine for any misconduct or misbehaviour in a timely and efficient manner. In the conclusion, however, it seems difficult to tackle this on a larger scale, but it’s not impossible to achieve this. The necessary measures need to be taken to counter crimes, especially in teenagers on priority basis as these are the asset to any nation.
Over the period of time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
ratio among youngsters has been
significantly
increased in various countries around the globe. It is the need of the hour to investigate the causes behind this and to find practical solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this immediately.

Firstly
, due the high divorce rate, those children who
are brought
up by a single parent,
usually
lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners. They don’t have a role model to follow in their childhood. They become an easy prey to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, where they indulge in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits like smoking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Hence
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
programs or movies related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
may tend towards doing similar criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for fun.
Thirdly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of leisure time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves busy.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, educational institutes and parents should play their role
collectively
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
away from such malicious and criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Parents should introduce interesting sports with their children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them motivated in healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. The educational institutes can play vital role in this regard keeping busy students in extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should conduct awareness seminars for the public about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
and adverse impacts of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits in life. It is the responsibility of the law enforcing agencies to punish and fine for any misconduct or
Possible spelling mistake. 'misbehaviour' is British English.
misbehaviour
in a timely and efficient manner.

In the conclusion,
however
, it seems difficult to tackle this on a larger scale,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s not impossible to achieve this. The necessary measures need to
be taken
to counter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
on priority basis as these are the asset to any nation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay In some cities people are choosing cars instead of bicycles, while in other cities riding bikes are replacing cars. Why is this the case? Which development do you think is better? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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