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The chart below the information that younger one faced the unemployment in five different countries in 2005. v.1

The chart below the information that younger one faced the unemployment in five different countries in 2005. v. 1
Employee's Health and safety should come first does not matter what field. Some people usually go to the office even when they are infected, such as flu or regular cold due to dead timeline or to support their family or various other reasons. But, by attending workplace in ill condition spreads the infection among the co-workers and thus, they might be at the risk of being ill or the oneself illness become more worsen due to cross-contamination. Firstly, this essay will discuss why people should not attend the workplace while they are ill and secondly, what a employers can do to reduce the worker's stress where they are ok with not going for work. On the one side, wile person is a sick, they carry a variety of germs with them and some germs would get activated in favourable condition like, getting more host place where they can grow effortlessly. As a result, more people are at risk of being infected and especially older generation in the office. For instance, scientific study of the UK proved that when one ill patient comes in contact with another person, disease causing organisms are more activated and spread the infection to others in a very short time. On the other side, employers can support their staff in numerous way. First of all, the boss can provide paid leave of absence to their sick workers. This will reduce the stress and support them financially without any worrying. Therefore, the workers are not forced to go to the office in that situation by any means and Hence, there will no spread of disease. For example, The Indian employment policy state that they will get medical charge whenever the employee get the illness. After all the above discussion, I strongly agree that one should avoid going for a job in sick condition. This decision will also make other people safe. In conclusion, It is not safe to attend the work and make others in danger of health problems just because we are in stress of task accomplishment or some other reasons. This issue can be solved thoroughly if every employer supports their employees.
Employee's Health and safety should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
first
does not matter what field.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
go to the office even when they
are infected
, such as flu or regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
due to dead timeline or to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their family or various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, by attending workplace in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
condition spreads the infection among the co-workers and
thus
, they might be at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
or
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "oneself"?
the oneself
illness become more worsen due to cross-contamination.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not attend the workplace while they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
and
secondly
, what
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a employer" or simply "employers"?
a employers
can do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the worker's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
where they are ok with not going for work.

On the one side, wile person is a sick, they carry a variety of germs with them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
germs would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
activated in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
condition like, getting more host place where they can grow
effortlessly
.
As a result
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
being infected
and
especially
older generation in the office.
For instance
, scientific study of the UK proved that when one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
patient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in contact with another person, disease causing organisms are more activated and spread the infection to others in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short time.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side, employers can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their staff in numerous way.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the boss can provide paid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
of absence to their sick workers. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
them
financially
without any worrying.
Therefore
, the workers are not forced to go to the office in that situation by any means and
Hence
, there will no spread of disease.
For example
, The Indian employment policy state that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
medical charge whenever the employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the illness.

After all
the above discussion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that one should avoid going for a job in sick condition. This decision will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
safe.

In conclusion
, It is not safe to attend the work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
others in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of health problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of task accomplishment or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons. This issue can
be solved
thoroughly
if every employer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supports
their employees.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below the information that younger one faced the unemployment in five different countries in 2005. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
357 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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