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The line graph below gives information about the rates of unemployment between 1991 and 2005 in three different countries in Europe The table shows the percentage of men and women in the workforce in these three countries v.1

The line graph below gives information about the rates of unemployment between 1991 and 2005 in three different countries in Europe The table shows the percentage of men and women in the workforce in these three countries v. 1
Many people find out that lots of people decide to live by themselves recently. Because nowadays more and more young adults feel it is complicated to live with others and they are not planning to have a family. The first reaction to some people is to think that it might have negative effects on the society, nonetheless, there are several reasons to refute this statement. In the following paragraphs, there are a number of perspectives to discuss this issue more in depth. Firstly, the main reason to support my position is that the living area will become much quieter. Take my friend, Tina, for example, her neighbours are families and there are 3 babies nearby so that every night she needs to tolerate the sounds of babies' crying while she was studying. From such examples, it demonstrates that if civilians are preferring to live alone, and it may have a chance to create a quiet and comfortable living area. In addition, another reason for my belief is that it may create less rubbish for the environment when you live by yourself. For instance, my sister, Jane, she lived with her classmates when she was a university student. Every weekend they invited more than 10 friends to eat at their place and they had 3 bags of rubbish every week. Consequently, it can be said that more civilians live together could produce more rubbish. To conclude, it is positive for the society while more people keen to live alone. Since the environment could be quieter and less rubbish. However, it is not to say that other points of views are totally without merits, Nevertheless, the reasons could support the position that I have presented.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find out that lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
by themselves recently.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
nowadays more and more young adults feel it
is complicated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
others and
they are not planning to have a family. The
first
reaction to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on the society, nonetheless, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to refute this statement. In the following paragraphs, there are a number of perspectives to discuss this issue more in depth.

Firstly
, the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
to support my position is that the living area will become much quieter. Take my friend, Tina,
for example
, her
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
are families and there are 3 babies nearby
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that every night she needs to tolerate the sounds of babies' crying while she was studying. From such examples, it demonstrates that if civilians
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone, and it may have a chance to create a quiet and comfortable living area.

In addition
, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for my belief is that it may create less rubbish for the environment when you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
by yourself.
For instance
, my sister, Jane, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with her classmates when she was a university student. Every weekend they invited more than 10 friends to eat at their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
place and
they had 3 bags of rubbish every week.
Consequently
, it can
be said
that more civilians
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
together could produce more rubbish.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for the society while more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
keen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
alone. Since the environment could be quieter and less rubbish.
However
, it is not to say that other points of views are
totally
without merits,
Nevertheless
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
could support the position that I have presented.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The line graph below gives information about the rates of unemployment between 1991 and 2005 in three different countries in Europe The table shows the percentage of men and women in the workforce in these three countries v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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