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The table chart given the information that Australia family spend the monthly income on household products in two years. v.1

The table chart given the information that Australia family spend the monthly income on household products in two years. v. 1
The advent of the internet has transformed the way people communicate over the last decades. While some think that such an event is responsible for the increasing human isolation, I would argue that, more than making people be distant, it had the power to unify them. On the one hand, those who believe that people are getting more isolated might argue that the interest in online games, especially among the youngsters, has contributed to a reduction of real-life interaction. This is because adolescents and young adults prefer to spend hours of their days online playing rather than talking to their relatives and beloved ones. For instance, in Japan, it is reported that there is an increasing trend to people play online games for more than 24 hours, without resting time. Parents and tutors should regulate the number of hours that these teenagers use computers. Thus, there would be an obligation for them to live their real lives. On the other hand, my view is that the internet, when used with parsimony, can be extremely helpful when it comes to communication. For example, there are some social media apps that enable people to meet and communicate with others who can be thousands of kilometres away, such as Skype and Facebook. If the world wide web was not successful, we would be still sending letters to our friends or relatives who are far away, a method which is not as fast and efficient as social media software. In conclusion, although the internet can be harmful, while it can be a way to make human beings less interactive, it is my firm belief that it has played an important role to make communication faster and more effective.
The advent of the internet has transformed the way
people
communicate over the last decades. While
some
think
that such an
event
is responsible for the increasing human isolation, I would argue that, more than making
people
be distant, it had the power to unify them.

On the one hand, those who believe that
people
are getting more isolated might argue that the interest in online games,
especially
among the youngsters, has contributed to a reduction of real-life interaction. This is
because
adolescents and young adults prefer to spend hours of their days online playing
rather
than talking to their relatives and beloved ones.
For instance
, in Japan, it
is reported
that there is an increasing trend to
people
play online games for more than 24 hours, without resting time. Parents and tutors should regulate the number of hours that these
teenagers
use
computers.
Thus
, there would be an obligation for them to
live
their real
lives
.

On the other hand
, my view is that the internet, when
used
with parsimony, can be
extremely
helpful when it
comes
to communication.
For example
, there are
some
social media apps that enable
people
to
meet
and communicate with others who can be thousands of
kilometres
away, such as Skype and Facebook. If the
world wide web
was not successful, we would be
still
sending letters to our friends or relatives who are far away, a method which is not as
fast
and efficient as social media software.

In conclusion
, although the internet can be harmful, while it can be a way to
make
human beings less interactive, it is my firm belief that it has played an
important
role to
make
communication faster and more effective.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The table chart given the information that Australia family spend the monthly income on household products in two years. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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